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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eight Lettersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rastine Aristat
    ASL Info:    19/Male/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 125/62/31
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1031



    Description:
       Ok, so you may be saying to yourself, this is sappy, and you'd be right. You also might say, this is crap, and, I'd have to say I agree with you there too. You could probably say that it isn't even a poem, and I wouldn't argue the point. However, it's something that I needed to write, sort of to get the thoughts down on paper so to speak, and, well, they're there now, so you can say whatever you want about it. As always, be honest before being kind. Salaam.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEight Lettersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My eloquence fades away,
    As I let myself slip
    Into the safety of your embrace.
    But with you beside me
    Granting solace from the storm
    I no longer feel the need
    To hide behind so many
    Pretty, caustic words.
    Now I sit here
    Thinking of you,
    Trying to craft
    The perfect phrase
    To make my feelings real,
    These feelings of safety
    Never before have I known,
    And Iím sorry to confess,
    Not one petty word I know
    Thereís no way that I know
    To combine twenty-six letters
    And concisely sum up what
    What I donít know how to say.
    I promise Iíll tell you,
    If ever I find
    The perfect thing to say,
    But for now, at least,
    I suppose Iíll stick to
    The eight letters everybody knows.
    Until I find something more concise,
    Iíll use the three words,
    That once festered deep in me,
    That one little phrase
    Whose pain youíve stripped away.




    Submitted on 2006-09-25 16:58:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      No matter what you say, its a beautiful piece. I mean honestly I could go into a bit of nitpicky details and all but from my personal opinion, there is nothing I would change.

    I love how this is just a piece of what has to be said. Your eloquent frustration comes across throughout, in every line it feels like you forced the words from your fingertips but at the same time they are flowing because you know what you are going through but you just dont know how exactly to say it.

    Beautiful.
    keep it up
    ~flora~
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this write. I find expressing my feelings verbally rather difficult as well, especially when they're intense and overwhelming. How to put in words what is beyond intellectual comprehension?

    Two nitpicks I have with this write.

    1) Every line starts with a capital (something I am often guilty of myself, though I'm working on that).

    2) Several lines that sound quite similar

    Example:

    Never before have I known,
    Not one petty word I know
    Thereís no way that I know
    What I donít know how to say.

    I certainly wouldn't call this crap. Maybe just try to reword some of your lines so that there is more variation in language. BTW I tend to be guilty of needless repetition at times - way more exaggerated than in this write.

    I've tried writing on this subject myself as it really bothers me. I haven't found it to be an easy task.

    The first three lines really drew me into the poem.

    That one little phrase
    Whose pain youíve stripped away.

    Awe, that's really sweet! I wish I could at least say that. Any attempt I've made (other than with family members) had me stuttering and tongue-tied. lol
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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