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    dots Submission Name: Evanescent Adjacencydots

    Author: Rask
    ASL Info:    17/female/Canada...
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 56/34/14
    Words: 272
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1014
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1849

       Written for my beloved.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvanescent Adjacencydots

    Evanescent Adjacency

    these nights are so cold,
    even when the heat's scortched and
    my blankets thick
    I can't help but dream of your warmth;
    the angel that resides in me
    when you're long gone.
    On nights like these,
    I'll gladly take any piece of you.

    Chaotic is my life,
    when you're not there to share the seonds,
    passing ever so slowly.

    And when the curtains are drawn,
    I can see your silhouette pressed against my sheets;
    as my fingers grow nearer, your shadow
    grows colder, only to disappear when I try
    and take a piece of you.

    These moments, so fragile;
    between dawn and its creators
    as the stars disappear,
    only to come to life in your eyes.

    But as the light illuminates us,
    we must return to our celestial state
    taking a piece of you with me.

    Our desires shaped
    and understood within our depths.
    As much as we long for our solid selves,
    it's hardly ever there
    Reality: evanescent like our hearts
    one day to be reunited once more,
    but for now, we have to love each other as ghosts.

    So simple it seems,
    but I feel your aching through the miles.
    No need to worry,
    you have the key to my heart.

    Artificial are our understandings
    of this distance between compassion as
    our bodies long for eachother
    in an innocent fashion.
    But for now, we have to love eachother as ghosts
    and I know sometime's that's not nearly enough
    but remember always,
    you have the key to my heart.

    With this, you can have any piece of me.

    Submitted on 2006-09-26 13:52:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Longing makes for a long night? I liked this peace and it tuged on the heart string a bit. Anyway great write!!!
    Kelley frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice I like this alot I love the way you pretty much wrote a dark love poem about loviong this man as a ghost I can imagine that a long distance relationship is hard especially when you think about them all the time and long for them when days are bad very nice and heartfelt

    much LOVE
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey. I loved this. It was well written and captured that feeling excellently. I have never actually felt that way, but I can imagine. One spelling error, if you reread you will find it. Awesome job(again) and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      awww. Thats exactly how I feel with my boyfriend gone. He just left for college 7 hours away and it has really taken a toll on me. So this poem really hit home. I tink it shall be a fave!
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      even when the heat's [scortched] and
    should be scorched

    my [blankets] thick
    should be blanket's, showing posession of [thick] to [blanket]

    when you're [long gone].
    long gone...in modern poetry is a bit cliché and is used over-much, i thought that with your measure of talent you could come up with something a little bit more...original

    grows colder, only to disappear when I try
    and [take a piece of you].


    On nights like these,
    I'll gladly take [any piece of you].
    my issue with these 'words' was that not only did i feel they recurred in too close of a proximity of each other here, but they also were paraphrased psuedonyms of one another. i thought you could have reworded the second occurence of this to improve the flow a lil, and not sound redundant.

    But for now, we have to love [eachother] as ghosts
    need a space between each and other

    but remember always,
    you have the key to my heart.


    No need to worry,
    you have the key to my heart.
    i see the theme, but i can't get past the proximity and irregularity part of these lines and their similitude. they are asymmetrical in their crafting, but are still symmetrical in meaning. perhaps its just a personal preference.

    well, overall, after the first 2 stanzas, i was really drawn into this piece. great diction, metaphor blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

    quite heartfelt, an endearing read. look forward to reading more from you. and those grammatical and syntax errors do correct . peace

    Loq Mind
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]

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