I Moan

Author: Emerging Soul ASL Info:    48/VERY female/Wisconsin Elite Ratio:    4.36 - 1240 /1114 /244 Words: 75

Class/Type: Poetry /Passion Total Views: 1239 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 588

Description:

---

I Moan

---

I touch your lips I quiet you Tenderly seeking The secrets inside your smile No hushed words hiding I breathe with you Desperately needing The vibrato of your desire Beneath my tongue Small Tender Feather-kiss Of almost-there And nearly-miss I brush against your need And feed my own As we dance against intentions Never known Circling like birds Over fields freshly sown And as you penetrate my heart and soul I moan

Submitted on 2004-05-24 09:06:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

Hey, I love this. I really can't criticize the writing but there is one word that doesn't do it for me. Vultures. Where I live, near one of the Great Lakes, seagulls are what fly over fresh plowed fields. The vultures are here, but they fly over freshly plowed deer, road kill! Not a criticism, just something to share. Great poem.

| Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]

I like the poetic wording to describe these sensual actions in an indirect, alluring way. Even can read the whole thing metaphorically, from the male point of view. The reference to vultures disturbed me a little. Especially because you followed with the reference to freshly-sown fields, since vultures eat dead animals. All in all, very sexy.

| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by Amelit | [ Reply to This ]

You handled it well, you made it alluring and sensual. NOT a depressed write LOL. I like the way that you record the fimine wiles and wooing of partners, its TRUE.

| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]

Umm... very descriptive! I like some of the rhyming patterns you have... loosely rhyming; not bound by any certain cadence, which I like.

| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

11960