I touch your lips
I quiet you
The secrets inside your smile
No hushed words hiding
I breathe with you
The vibrato of your desire
Beneath my tongue
I brush against your need
And feed my own
As we dance against intentions
Circling like birds
Over fields freshly sown
And as you penetrate my heart and soul
| Hey, I love this. I really can't criticize the writing but there is one word that doesn't do it for me. Vultures. Where I live, near one of the Great Lakes, seagulls are what fly over fresh plowed fields. The vultures are here, but they fly over freshly plowed deer, road kill! Not a criticism, just something to share. Great poem.||| Posted on 2004-05-27 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ] || I like the poetic wording to describe these sensual actions in an indirect, alluring way. Even can read the whole thing metaphorically, from the male point of view.|
The reference to vultures disturbed me a little. Especially because you followed with the reference to freshly-sown fields, since vultures eat dead animals.
All in all, very sexy.
|| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by Amelit | [ Reply to This ] || You handled it well, you made it alluring and sensual. NOT a depressed write LOL. |
I like the way that you record the fimine wiles and wooing of partners, its TRUE.
|| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ] || Umm... very descriptive! |
I like some of the rhyming patterns you have... loosely rhyming; not bound by any certain cadence, which I like.
|| Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ] |