Description: If you've ever been in marching band, you'll be able to relate very well to this poem.... And if you've ever been in boot camp, well, marching band is the next best thing.
Marching in the Rain -------------------------------------------
Sodden and dirty, spew forth
Muddy water with every trudging step
Taken from beneath the shifting, crushing weight
Of the heavy bass drum
The relentless strikes of my traitorous hands
Sound the deep hollow beat to match
The drone of trombones and trumpets
And the wail of saxophones
The grey gloom of the air
Seems almost solid as my feet
Clumsily search across the pavement
For the lines hidden deep beneath the endless puddles
With a sharp rattle of the snare
The lifeless song ceases and the band stands silent
A mist of raindrops
Spray stinging into my eyes as a piercing voice cries aloud
“Marc time MARC!”
And we wearily begin anew
Haha. I got out of band before I had the pleasure of experiencing that. I really do wish I'd remained in band now, because I think I'd enjoy it. As long as I didn't have to stay on clarinet. I hated that thing. If I could have done sax or flute I might have stuck with it. Or BAGPIPES! I've always wanted to learn to play that.
This was an amusing piece to say the least. You really played up the degree of suckitude that marching band possesses. I can almost relate, having done a few ten hour rehearsals with the Thespians that made me want to kill people.
This is very impresive. Yes I understand that it could be about a marching band, but it is much more. It has something that I have yet to capture in my own writting, and that is the beauty of analogy. This is about life and how difficult it is to see the lines to guide our steps, how sometimes we are our own worst enemy as we drive ourselves following our own drumbeat. These are things you may or may not have intended, but they are present none the less. I think that is what an artist does, he/she shows others the deep issues of life in the things familiar to all. From an artist these things flow naturally, I feel mine are still forced.
It reminds me of a painting i saw once of a group of convicts marching in an exercise yard in the rain. I believe it was painted by Van Gogh but I'm not sure.
I don't know how set you are on beginning every line with a capital. I have recently changed my thoughts on that convention. I now use capitals as I would in ordinary writting. I try to use puncutation in the same manner. Just mentioning it that you might consider the possibility.
I also found it interesting that your work flows very well without the use of a rhyme scheme. I think the reason it does is your use of alliterations(lifeless song ceases and the band stands silent), crisp images (shoes Sodden and dirty, spew forth Muddy water with every trudging step), and internal rhymes (drone of trombones).
Well I never been in a boot camp or a marching band but I can still appreciate and enjoy your writes. You'd think they would let ya come in out of the rain though! I'll just say nicely done and leave it at that. You speak from the heart and that is one of the things I admire about your writes.