Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: long distance worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 747
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1495



    Description:
       i just typed it up. no prewrite. no edits. the real deal. tell me what you think. i hope you all read it. i'll show you mine if you show me yours frst... no not really but if you comment i swear to comment back. love love


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslong distance worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    where have the days gone?
    where are my friends?
    they send they won't leave me,
    now messages they send.
    internet games.
    myspace is here.
    it seems they still write me,
    but can't wipe my tear.
    we still talk for hours,
    but its over the phone.
    this long distance world,
    to me is unknown.
    i guess i'm okay here.
    my life is alright.
    i mean, he's here with me,
    but i'm still cold at night.
    my world gets better.
    i am moving on.
    but why did this happen?
    why are they gone.
    is my life still empty?
    will i be okay?
    i like that i have him.
    but what will they say?
    why does it matter?
    why do i care?
    i mean, what's the deal?
    do they want me to share?
    i tell them my stories.
    they hear all my cries.
    but really i'm honest.
    this is no disguise.
    i have not been dishonest.
    they all know whats real.
    they just don't believe me.
    but this is how i feel.
    i miss them do much.
    but i'll never go back.
    it would be so much fun,
    but something would lack.
    i would miss my honey.
    and i'd miss his touch.
    he holds me up now.
    he is my crutch.
    i know they were there,
    when i needed them most.
    i guess i have him now.
    i don't mean to boast.




    Submitted on 2006-09-26 17:28:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's quite good, it shows how girls feel and act when they're in love. They feel torn between their friends and bf, and they always seem to neglect their friends.

    The line ''i have not been dishonest.'' doesn't really fit in with the poems rhym sceme, but other than that i see nothing wrong with it.


    Good write, it keeps the reader entertained

    Linzi xx
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      PRetty good. I'm from the othre side of the fence, my friend is the one with the boyfriend and i feel put second. Ya, very good right.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    119627

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Incubus written by monad
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry