Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

long distance world


Author: ladiesplanet1
ASL Info:    23.cali baby
Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720 /463 /165
Words: 230
Class/Type: Poetry /Nostalgia
Total Views: 1078
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1495



Description:


i just typed it up. no prewrite. no edits. the real deal. tell me what you think. i hope you all read it. i'll show you mine if you show me yours frst... no not really but if you comment i swear to comment back. love love


long distance world



where have the days gone?
where are my friends?
they send they won't leave me,
now messages they send.
internet games.
myspace is here.
it seems they still write me,
but can't wipe my tear.
we still talk for hours,
but its over the phone.
this long distance world,
to me is unknown.
i guess i'm okay here.
my life is alright.
i mean, he's here with me,
but i'm still cold at night.
my world gets better.
i am moving on.
but why did this happen?
why are they gone.
is my life still empty?
will i be okay?
i like that i have him.
but what will they say?
why does it matter?
why do i care?
i mean, what's the deal?
do they want me to share?
i tell them my stories.
they hear all my cries.
but really i'm honest.
this is no disguise.
i have not been dishonest.
they all know whats real.
they just don't believe me.
but this is how i feel.
i miss them do much.
but i'll never go back.
it would be so much fun,
but something would lack.
i would miss my honey.
and i'd miss his touch.
he holds me up now.
he is my crutch.
i know they were there,
when i needed them most.
i guess i have him now.
i don't mean to boast.




Submitted on 2006-09-26 17:28:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It's quite good, it shows how girls feel and act when they're in love. They feel torn between their friends and bf, and they always seem to neglect their friends.

The line ''i have not been dishonest.'' doesn't really fit in with the poems rhym sceme, but other than that i see nothing wrong with it.


Good write, it keeps the reader entertained

Linzi xx
| Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
  PRetty good. I'm from the othre side of the fence, my friend is the one with the boyfriend and i feel put second. Ya, very good right.
~Caotic~
| Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



119627