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Author: LossOfHope03
ASL Info:    16/female/USA
Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 30 /29 /31
Words: 69
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 840
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 440


about a dear friend i once had.


I promise you now
My hearts not for you.
I promise you now
These tears aren’t for you
I promise you now
That I’m not for you
But that don’t mean that I don’t love you
These promises don’t mean a thing
Just like you proved.
Because if they did
Then I’d be with you
Because if they did
Then you’d still love me
Just like you promised to.

Submitted on 2006-09-26 17:38:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This reminds me of a poem I wrote. It's somewhere on my profile, and I honestly can't remember the name of the poem, but it dealt with dealing with broken promises and what had been with another person. This poem also holds a feeling of anger and somewhat of holding a grudge against someone, which I've also experienced.

I like the structure you chose for this poem. The short lines really added a bounciness to the poem, and the rhyme scheme you used was at least somewhat effective, but I think that you maybe could have polished it a little more.

I think the ending is a perfect way to end it. So many poets get caught up in what the poem is trying to say or the mood of the poem that they end the poem very sloppy. You chose the perfect last 2 lines to end this poem and it really improves the poem overall because of it.

Promises are hardly ever kept nowadays, and this poem really hits home because the same promise to love forever was made to me. Overall it's a good write and I enjoy reading more of your work.
| Posted on 2009-02-27 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this poem because my ex promised he would always love me an we would be forever then a month before our aniversary he went missing adn when he turned up again he had a new woman under his arm and under her arm was a pregnant much for his promises. it hurt at the time but i am a new perosn now and this is a great poem. i love the part 'I promise you now My hearts not for you.
I promise you now These tears aren’t for you
I promise you now That I’m not for you.' it is so deep adn touched me.

love it
| Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by Shark06 | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm sort of facing a backlashing resembling this in many ways... The only toll it has taken on me, though, is: learning how to not hold a grudge, even against such crimes - such hyprocraties.... You must learn to tell the difference between the ectasy of a moment speaking, and a person's real heart talking. I guess I had to do that head on, because I still do stand by my own words... I say what I mean, and mean what I say... That's a line I have running through my head almost every other second... I've never been too skeptical of others, being openly trusting... But I always chose my words wisely... As some have pointed out, I'll say the exact same sentence, word for word, 9 months after I said it the first time... But enough about that... This poem - which is what I read it as... not lyrics - is pretty simple, and I like it... But I sincerely think you could expand on it, exploit the infinit of possibilities... Lying, bullsh!ting, masking the truth; you could write pages on end to express that theme without trouble... So please give it another try.. And don't make it sound so wry, it leads one to think that maybe you still have a grudge.. deep down...

| Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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