Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: LossOfHope03
ASL Info:    16/female/USA
Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 30 /29 /31
Words: 118
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 760
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 705


hmm i don't know what to call this so i'll just leave it as "honesty" for now. let me know if you have title suggestions, and any other suggestions as wlel (of course).


I’m tired of putting on a show
And acting like everything’s all right
When I’m afraid to take one single bit
And enjoy the life I used to have
Before it all become such a burden, or a drag.
But I must push on
Because what I’m doing isn’t wrong.
It’s how I can still tell that I’m alive.

I watch myself bleed.
From the inside out I turn red.
I have nothing left to dread.
It helps me know that I’m still alive
When everything and everyone rushes by.

But I feel like they don’t see me.
Cause if they did, they’d see that
the life I lead is nothing but a filthy lie.

Submitted on 2006-09-26 17:41:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I think the reason this poem speaks to me so profoundly is because I've gone through pretty much the same emotions that are described here in the poem. The imagery you use and the way you inflect the mood of the poem to the reader are very, very well executed.

The opening stanza is just plain sadening, but it is powerful all the same. The lines:

"Because what I’m doing isn’t wrong.
It’s how I can still tell that I’m alive."

just smacked me in the face like a giant frying pan. It just struck me as very depressing and yet so true for me as well. I can remember all these emotions you portrayed here, and I guess that's one reason why I like this so much.

Using the metaphor, or whatever the part of speech it is, in the second stanza when you say you watch yourself turn red from the inside out really caught my eye and I believe it's the best line in the poem.

Overall this poem is really dark and sadening, but it speaks volumes. The imagery used is great, and the overall mood of the poem is conveyed perfectly through your word choice. Great write.
| Posted on 2009-02-26 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]
  For this poem, i think a good title would be Rushing By...I don't know, i think it fits the whole anxious "i'm being left behind" feeling i got from this.

| Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by Falling Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  LOVE IT. this is one of those poems that so many want to say but don't and hide what they want to do.

i luved the last stanza. this here just screamed out the reality of nearly everyone.

super koodoes for you.
| Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Adden Lee | [ Reply to This ]
  Having read your journal I understand how hard it is to be a teen these days. Parents want to control us and always believe we've done something wrong. That has never changed about parents and their kids, they want to raise good ones, they fail to remember that we've learned the difference.

But you have a metaphorical means of bleeding and it's called poetry. that means you don't have to hurt yourself to begin healing and if you hate yourself, that's just the worst,

so begin right now to like and even love yourself, in spite of what others think,

the biggest evils we have in society are hate and fear, one feeds the other, I'm not talking out of my head either,
just don't cut yourself, you are not hurting anyone but yourself

| Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  I would entitle the poem DISRUPTIONS ON THE PATH OF LIFE.
If as you say that what you do isn't wrong then why do you say you're living a filthy lie?
To me a filthy lie does not go with nothing is wrong.
The zest of life is being one's self. We pay too close attention to what others may grasp to gossip about.
| Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?