[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: This Place Is Not Heavendots

    Author: His goth child
    ASL Info:    15/male/Loserville
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 82/79/45
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 971


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Place Is Not Heavendots

    Heaven does not lie in the clouds
    If it were true I would be there
    When you pray, you pray to the wrong place

    The rain you love to play in
    Is really my tears,
    The sun you bathe in
    Is my anger I pour out on you,
    And when the clouds hide my hate
    Something is tearing at my heart
    Leaving me broken inside,

    Here comes the rain...

    Ever wounder why the rain is cold,
    Why the sun burns your skin,
    And why the clouds prelude the rain,

    How dare you forgett me
    You left my memory for another,
    Well I hope he hurts you
    And breaks you into two,
    How can I wish that
    Wasn't it you I died for

    Here comes the rain...

    Please don't cry for me, I'm sorry
    I guess it was just my time
    And I'm sorry, Can you forgive me
    It was I who left you

    Submitted on 2006-09-26 19:24:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      MMM... am I correct in saying that darkwinged read it wrong? It's about people and how we have turned our back on God. But I don't quite get th e part about his anger reining down-- God's wrath ended with the death of His Son. The second to last stanza talks about how Christ layed his life down for us, adn the last a repentence of a person in relizeation of his wrong? Correct me if i falter.
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      I <3 it...at least the beginning. I started reading it, and i was like...I NEED to read this out loud. So i did, and my friend was like..."awesome!"
    And i agree.
    The beginning breaks into my thoughts, makes me think about it.

    "Ever wounder why the rain is cold,
    Why the sun burns your skin,
    And why the clouds prelude the rain"

    The ending on the other hand...you sort of move from talking about the weather to talking about the one who wronged whoever.....(This is what i interperet from it....) ANd then the speaker went ahead and killed himself for it?

    Not too shabby tho.
    Maybe even a fave...dispite the ending.


    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]