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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Never to Meet Againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeepsLighter
    ASL Info:    17/f/Brazil
    Elite Ratio:    7.89 - 97/62/14
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 751
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 611



    Description:
       well .. enjoy ...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNever to Meet Againdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The view from the rooftop
    the drinks in our hands;
    flowing along with the intriguing conversation
    as night turns to morning.

    The music playing in the background;
    the voices echoing
    emulating the sounds of a good party
    as night turns into morning.

    People are dancing and drinking
    all around us,
    all around us
    as we talk, talk n' talk.

    As the sparkling city lights slowly disapear
    the people leave one by one;
    the party will soon be over
    and we part, never to meet again.




    Submitted on 2006-09-27 17:01:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a great snapshot..
    I find theirs a point during a good night out just over halfway when it hits me that before long this enjoyable night will be over. I guess a combination of drink and thought bring a meloncholy moment that everything eventually ends..
    Really nice poem. The picture above kindof suits it.
    Shaun
    | Posted on 2007-07-06 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe this is so true. i can relate to it. it has a nice flow and i loved it. keep it up!

    deathbroken
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by deathbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      By the looks of the Type and your description, you're hoping somebody might understand that you aren't just painting a picture... but a frame stuck in your mind, a past event. The poem in itself is very simple, short and ugly. Not to come off as rude, but you sending through an emotion here, you're merely painting yourself a short memorial, scared to get too personal, scared that somebody else might read it and see it. At least that what I'm thinking. Rule numero uno: It isn't an obligation to capitalize every new verse, or put a comma at the end of each either. You should transcribe the poem, as if it were written in a prose format before. Start with a capital letter, and put a comma where it be needed in a normal sentence. Don't be afraid of ending of verse 'naked' or without anything. This is what I suggest, personally:
    "The view from the rooftop
    the drinks in our hands;
    flowing along with the intriguing conversation
    as night turns to morning.

    The music playing in the background;
    the voices echoing
    emulating the sounds of a good party
    as night turns into morning.

    People are dancing and drinking
    all around us,
    all around us
    as we talk, talk n' talk.

    As the sparkling city lights slowly dissipate
    the people leave one by one;
    the party will be over soon
    and we part, never to meet again.


    Mind you these are just suggestions... I think you could get a lot more personal about what was said, if not exploit the beautiful imagery that could spring from city lights - accentuate how enchanting and bewitching they are, if not how quickly they make time fly...

    Outlaw-ed
    P.S: Hope you enjoy my thoughts...
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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