Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Conversations From Above-This Place is Not Heaven2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: His goth child
    ASL Info:    15/male/Loserville
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 82/79/45
    Words: 320
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1264
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2003



    Description:
       This is the second part of This Place Is Not Heaven.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConversations From Above-This Place is Not Heaven2dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You ask me why did I have to leave,
    Why couldn't I have staid,
    And you tell me how hate me,
    For jumping in front of you,
    And gladly giving my so you may live,

    You talk about how life sucks,
    And you yell that I left you behind,
    We were supposed to die together,
    You complain that I'm not there,

    Well have you ever woundered
    Why it rains when you're sad,
    Why the sun makes your cheeks glow red,
    And why the clouds shadow your rest,

    Well here comes the rain...

    Even though you can't see me
    I'm watching over you,
    I loved you enough,
    To give my life for yours,

    You ask me why I have to leave,
    Why couldn't I have staid,
    Well you know the answer to that one,
    He had a gun up to you,
    And even though I don't know why,
    I took a bullet to the heart,

    Please don't cry for me, I'm sorry
    I guess love makes you do crazy things
    And I'm sorry, Can you forgive me
    It was I who chose to leave you

    And here comes the rain...

    Yes the bullet that was sposed to be yours,
    I gladly took it in the heart,
    We were supposed to die together,
    And now you complain that I'm not there,

    Well have you ever woundered why
    It rains when you you're sad,
    Why the sun makes your cheeks glow red,
    And why the clouds shadow your rest,

    Well there goes the sun,
    Well there are the clouds,
    Well here comes the rain,

    And please don't cry for me,
    I guess love makes you do crazy things,
    Can you ever forgive me,
    It was I who chose to leave you,

    Well here comes the rain again...
    Well here comes the tears again....
    well here comes the rain once again...




    Submitted on 2006-09-27 21:28:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how it start..'coz i was quite confused what the peom was about untill half was through i didn't quite understand the conversations..but thats what makes it amazing!!!
    but i think u should have put more feeling to the end of the peom..with writing the same lines over and over..but its just my opinian..just ignore it if u wish! =]

    Overoll nice work!!!
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by sharu | [ Reply to This ]
      I think i like the first one better...but this one explains the first one to a better degree, ya know?

    It explains how he died and why, and how he decided to give his life for the one he loves. Yes, i have to agree with Orange that this does sound like christ...but i think i know it's a little bit different.

    Me being the grammer/spelling person i am, i'm going to point out a few mistakes:

    Staid=stayed, woundered=wondered (orange pointed these out...)
    Stanza one, line three: How hate me=how YOU hate me (?)
    Line five: Gladly giving my for you=gladly giving my LIFE for you (?)

    Anyway...another great write!

    <darkwinged>
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
      staid=stayed woundered=wondered

    The meaning is kinda shifty on this one. There are illusions to Christ and how he died so we might live, yet there is talk of a bullet, and those weren't around back then. Is this two stories combined into one? I am utterly confused. Love definatly plays a part, in both Christ and the one that took the bullet. I understand the talk of weather, but I think it was better revieled in teh first poem about Heaven. please put an end to my confusion.
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    119809

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry