Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Good Byedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 314
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1640



    Description:
       I Dont Usually Write Like This But Yeh
    This Poem Is Also Up On My Bf Page Aswell If It Looks Familiar


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGood Byedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i sit here on the cold floor
    with a towl by my side
    the razor blade in my hand
    im ready to give up my life
    i know no one will miss me
    i dont care how they feel inside
    my life is so fucked up
    but no one understands why
    i put the blade to my wrist
    and feel a cold shiver down my spine
    this is the last time i will ever sit here
    the last time you will ever make me cry
    as i make the first cut i try not to scream
    the house is silent everyone is asleep
    as the blood drips off my wrist
    i make a second cut twice as deep
    its hurt so much but the pain quickly fades
    i watch the blood fall from my wrists
    and wish that you could see me like this
    i make another cut and let out a silent scream
    its bleeding alot faster i want to go to sleep
    as i lay my head down & look at my wrists
    i cant see the cuts anymore
    there is so much blood and so little pain
    its not working fast enough i want it to be over
    i take the blade in my hand and return it to my wrist
    im soo cold all of a sudden as i try to sit up
    im not finished yet not ready to give up
    i write you name with the blade
    deep into my wrist
    so if someone ever finds me
    they know who to blame
    i feel so weak i can not cry
    its so hard to move as i lay down to die
    with my blood all around me and only
    a single tear
    i take my last breath
    as i close my eyes
    its finally over
    with no good-bye






    Submitted on 2006-09-27 22:55:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i kinda started to cry when i read this because it reminds me of the past but good emotions but im lettinging go trying to get rid of all this hurtfull feelings for all i care i love him but he hurt me hurt me more that i can explain so whatever well i got to go now keep writing your good writier stayc so love you bye 4 now
    | Posted on 2007-03-23 00:00:00 | by Cara R.D | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... that was really good most of the way through, but then it seemed like you rushed things near the end...
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Stacey

    Welcome to the site. I see that you piece is emotion charged and it is hard for a soldier to try and empathise over something that although I may have been close too it would have been for different reasons.

    I will comment on some detail of your piece to start with, if that is alright with you. Then I might pick a few lines to make interpretations of.

    "i sit here on the cold floor
    with a towl by my side"

    You need to edit/amend your spelling of 'towel', a little attention to detail. Never a biggy, especially when free versing. It just makes it smoother reading for us old farts. lol

    With reference to your verse:

    "its not working fast enough i want it to be over
    i take the blade in my hand and return it to my wrist im soo cold all of a sudden as i try to sit up
    im not finished yet not ready to give up"

    These lines interest me the most. In this whole piece you are telling us the persons mind is made up and they are going through to the end, no mucking around.

    What the above lines say to me is completely opposite and contradictory (I think). They say to me that on one hand the person wants it all to be over quick but on the other they have more to do, more to live for. Is this the intent of these lines or is it something completely different?

    Anyway you writing is very strong, I think your line and verse construction needs a little work but that may be due to the formatting on this site or you just finding your feet. Either way early days yet.

    Hey girl 'POSITIVE THOUGHTS' and 'SENSE OF HUMOUR'. They are both hidden inside you somewhere. Let them out and feel the relief.

    Find solace in letting your feelings out on this site. Its good for you. I know I do.

    'On On'

    Ocker




    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by Ocker7290 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    119823

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry