Description: I Dont Usually Write Like This But Yeh
This Poem Is Also Up On My Bf Page Aswell If It Looks Familiar
Good Bye -------------------------------------------
i sit here on the cold floor
with a towl by my side
the razor blade in my hand
im ready to give up my life
i know no one will miss me
i dont care how they feel inside
my life is so fucked up
but no one understands why
i put the blade to my wrist
and feel a cold shiver down my spine
this is the last time i will ever sit here
the last time you will ever make me cry
as i make the first cut i try not to scream
the house is silent everyone is asleep
as the blood drips off my wrist
i make a second cut twice as deep
its hurt so much but the pain quickly fades
i watch the blood fall from my wrists
and wish that you could see me like this
i make another cut and let out a silent scream
its bleeding alot faster i want to go to sleep
as i lay my head down & look at my wrists
i cant see the cuts anymore
there is so much blood and so little pain
its not working fast enough i want it to be over
i take the blade in my hand and return it to my wrist
im soo cold all of a sudden as i try to sit up
im not finished yet not ready to give up
i write you name with the blade
deep into my wrist
so if someone ever finds me
they know who to blame
i feel so weak i can not cry
its so hard to move as i lay down to die
with my blood all around me and only
a single tear
i take my last breath
as i close my eyes
its finally over
with no good-bye
i kinda started to cry when i read this because it reminds me of the past but good emotions but im lettinging go trying to get rid of all this hurtfull feelings for all i care i love him but he hurt me hurt me more that i can explain so whatever well i got to go now keep writing your good writier stayc so love you bye 4 now
Welcome to the site. I see that you piece is emotion charged and it is hard for a soldier to try and empathise over something that although I may have been close too it would have been for different reasons.
I will comment on some detail of your piece to start with, if that is alright with you. Then I might pick a few lines to make interpretations of.
"i sit here on the cold floor with a towl by my side"
You need to edit/amend your spelling of 'towel', a little attention to detail. Never a biggy, especially when free versing. It just makes it smoother reading for us old farts. lol
With reference to your verse:
"its not working fast enough i want it to be over i take the blade in my hand and return it to my wrist im soo cold all of a sudden as i try to sit up im not finished yet not ready to give up"
These lines interest me the most. In this whole piece you are telling us the persons mind is made up and they are going through to the end, no mucking around.
What the above lines say to me is completely opposite and contradictory (I think). They say to me that on one hand the person wants it all to be over quick but on the other they have more to do, more to live for. Is this the intent of these lines or is it something completely different?
Anyway you writing is very strong, I think your line and verse construction needs a little work but that may be due to the formatting on this site or you just finding your feet. Either way early days yet.
Hey girl 'POSITIVE THOUGHTS' and 'SENSE OF HUMOUR'. They are both hidden inside you somewhere. Let them out and feel the relief.
Find solace in letting your feelings out on this site. Its good for you. I know I do.