Love Holds on -------------------------------------------
Breaking walls slowly fade
Well in his place he lay
He left his life so far behind
Yet in one place he stays
Caught between the Earth
In stone storys etched
Not knowing which are lies
Tongues flicker lightly
Whispering good-byes
Yet under deep inside his mind
Spirit and soul do seldom grow
In a casket does he cry
Each tear of life bring fathom
Faith to fear of sunlights day
His lovers way of regret
By his tombstone does she lay
Her head tilted towards the sun
And eyes green simply say
That love holds on, to break
The bond of Earth in human graves.
This was so beautiful; It reminded me a bit of the crow (except that it was brandon by the grave as opposed to his GF but u get the idea.) where he's just laying there thinking about her; it's so completely amazing when love defies everything else including the extent to which death can change things, I Love this write as I end up liking alot of your writing and I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting as much as I should and I'll spare the excuses and just go right on to mentioning that I'm here now right? hope that's good enough. you put a lot of emotion into this, any particular inspiration or just thinking about a certain person and let that inspire you? I'm just interested in knowing because it felt like you put a lot of yourself into this write, or maybe I'm just putting al ot of myself into reading it, regardless it's one of my favorite things that I've read of yours so far, I miss you, hope you start feeling better byes, ~jess
Okay, this was very good. Your flow was much better here. I would suggest maybe changing "breaking" to "broken". it would sound better as the reader reads this. I liked the whole love even after death theme. I liked the imagery. I feel this one was very well written and don't see any major items to point out or change. My onlynitpick is about the first word of the poem. Other then that, this was excellent.
This is another Good write from you The line where you wrote In stone stories etched Immediatly made me think of The Lord and how when he went back to Heaven the only thing carrying his word was the bible as he was not physically here anymore to prove to others That God is real I like the way this flowed and I must say near the end you made this write so good that the theme good have been any number of ideas That is the sign of a clever and very good write God Bless Your Friend Ron
Over all , I really liked it. From my point of view, it is a woman who lost her husband/ boyfriend to Death and she is obviously sad. I like how it is a free write and doesnt have a rhyming pattern. I think it helps get the emotion through. Also, I think it flows really well. Actually, now that I read it again, it may be a man whos woman died. I cant tell, but I dont think it really matters. I really liked it and I'm glad that you thought I should read it. Great job and keep writing. ~Caotic~
Submission Name: Love Holds on
. you put a lot of emotion into this, any particular inspiration or just thinking about a certain person and let that inspire you? I'm just interested in knowing because it felt like you put a lot of yourself into this write, or maybe I'm just putting al ot of myself into reading it, regardless it's one of my favorite things that I've read of yours so far, I miss you, hope you start feeling better 