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    dots Submission Name: Love Holds ondots

    Author: obsidiandreams
    ASL Info:    29/M/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 169/212/105
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1156
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 686


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    dotsLove Holds ondots

    Breaking walls slowly fade
    Well in his place he lay
    He left his life so far behind
    Yet in one place he stays
    Caught between the Earth
    In stone storys etched
    Not knowing which are lies
    Tongues flicker lightly
    Whispering good-byes
    Yet under deep inside his mind
    Spirit and soul do seldom grow
    In a casket does he cry
    Each tear of life bring fathom
    Faith to fear of sunlights day
    His lovers way of regret
    By his tombstone does she lay
    Her head tilted towards the sun
    And eyes green simply say
    That love holds on, to break
    The bond of Earth in human graves.

    Submitted on 2006-09-28 13:51:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was so beautiful; It reminded me a bit of the crow (except that it was brandon by the grave as opposed to his GF but u get the idea.) where he's just laying there thinking about her; it's so completely amazing when love defies everything else including the extent to which death can change things, I Love this write as I end up liking alot of your writing and I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting as much as I should and I'll spare the excuses and just go right on to mentioning that I'm here now right? hope that's good enough. you put a lot of emotion into this, any particular inspiration or just thinking about a certain person and let that inspire you? I'm just interested in knowing because it felt like you put a lot of yourself into this write, or maybe I'm just putting al ot of myself into reading it, regardless it's one of my favorite things that I've read of yours so far, I miss you, hope you start feeling better
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, this was very good. Your flow was much better here. I would suggest maybe changing "breaking" to "broken". it would sound better as the reader reads this. I liked the whole love even after death theme. I liked the imagery. I feel this one was very well written and don't see any major items to point out or change. My onlynitpick is about the first word of the poem. Other then that, this was excellent.

    | Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another Good write from you
    The line where you wrote In stone stories etched
    Immediatly made me think of The Lord and how when he went back to Heaven the only thing carrying his word was the bible as he was not physically here anymore to prove to others That God is real
    I like the way this flowed and I must say near the end you made this write so good that the theme good have been any number of ideas
    That is the sign of a clever and very good write
    God Bless
    Your Friend

    please keep in touch!!!
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Over all , I really liked it. From my point of view, it is a woman who lost her husband/ boyfriend to Death and she is obviously sad. I like how it is a free write and doesnt have a rhyming pattern. I think it helps get the emotion through. Also, I think it flows really well. Actually, now that I read it again, it may be a man whos woman died. I cant tell, but I dont think it really matters. I really liked it and I'm glad that you thought I should read it. Great job and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]

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