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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *Stuck In A World Of Sorrowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 43
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 298



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Stuck In A World Of Sorrowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Pill after pill
    Needle after needle
    Cut after cut
    Yet nothing worked

    I'm still in this world
    Deprived of the happiness
    That should belong to me
    While others come and go
    I stay against my will
    In this bleach-coloured room




    Submitted on 2006-09-28 14:16:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      
    This is pretty good. I do think it should be a bit longer though. It almost seems to leave you hanging at the end. I think maybe a third stanza would give it a lot more depth. This is pretty good though. Well done.

    Keep writing!

    peace.
    -Kamerin
    | Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Kamerin Brown | [ Reply to This ]
      So much grief is conveyed. Sorrow seems to be a big aspect of a number of pieces I've read. I fully advocate venting and using your your gift of writing to help alleviate the ache, if only for a moment, but I want to see what else you can do, you have some splendid works, and maybe I just haven't read enough, but indulge me, a flight of fancy, a song of battle, something outside your idiom!
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by Nihilist Weasel | [ Reply to This ]
      "Pill after pill
    Needle after needle
    Cut after cut
    Yet nothing worked"

    well i have awriting similar to this one, so that is why it caught me and i am engaged to this writing i love it ;and as Mihir said, it says a lot witha few words.. as my writings; well i am pretty anxious to read more from you and well tryt to look to my work too.. take care and have a nice day
    peace and love
    Victor
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece says a lot in very few words. It conveys profound feelings of depression, helplessness, misery and dejection...the title reaffirms the emotion...it sounds so real, it makes me think its true...if it is, i'm sorry...I'd like to know about it, if you'd like to tell me...
    It gives me a feeling that you are going unnoticed, that your existence does not believe in a purpose...and that it is confused about itself...
    Mihir
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
      what can i say? I like your poem. I think you have the talent. Keep it up. Your piece is really great and it triggers the emotins and imagination.

    Grace (LizzyD)
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by LizzyD | [ Reply to This ]


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