This is pretty good. I do think it should be a bit longer though. It almost seems to leave you hanging at the end. I think maybe a third stanza would give it a lot more depth. This is pretty good though. Well done.
So much grief is conveyed. Sorrow seems to be a big aspect of a number of pieces I've read. I fully advocate venting and using your your gift of writing to help alleviate the ache, if only for a moment, but I want to see what else you can do, you have some splendid works, and maybe I just haven't read enough, but indulge me, a flight of fancy, a song of battle, something outside your idiom!
"Pill after pill Needle after needle Cut after cut Yet nothing worked"
well i have awriting similar to this one, so that is why it caught me and i am engaged to this writing i love it ;and as Mihir said, it says a lot witha few words.. as my writings; well i am pretty anxious to read more from you and well tryt to look to my work too.. take care and have a nice day peace and love Victor
This piece says a lot in very few words. It conveys profound feelings of depression, helplessness, misery and dejection...the title reaffirms the emotion...it sounds so real, it makes me think its true...if it is, i'm sorry...I'd like to know about it, if you'd like to tell me... It gives me a feeling that you are going unnoticed, that your existence does not believe in a purpose...and that it is confused about itself... Mihir