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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forgottendesire
    ASL Info:    23/Male/AL
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 6/12/9
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 404



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    so live, that when thy summons comes to join the innumerable caravan, which moves to that mysterious realm, where each shall take his chamber in the silent halls of death. Thou go not like the quary slave at night scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed by an unfaltering trust approaching thy grave like one who wraps the drapery upon his walls about his, and lies down the pleasent dreams...




    Submitted on 2006-09-28 14:17:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a very nicely-written bit of advice, but it was so full of errors that it was hard to read without having to figure out what you really meant.

    so live, that when thy summons comes to join the innumerable caravan, which moves to that mysterious realm, where each shall take his chamber in the silent halls of death. Thou go not like the quary slave

    Your period between death and thou should only be a comma.

    "quary" should be 'quarry"

    at night scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed by an unfaltering trust approaching thy grave like one who wraps the drapery upon his walls about his, and lies down the pleasent dreams

    There should be commas on either side of 'scourged'.

    comma after trust.

    "...upon his walls about his,..." Huh? Do you mean "about him"?

    What does "lies down the pleasent (pleasant) dreams" mean? Did you leave out a word, or put in an incorrect word?

    Sorry, but all that really got in the way. If there had only been one, maybe two max, errors, it wouldn't have made much difference. But with this many, the piece is really hard to read. mae
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]


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