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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: **Stranded Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 572



    Description:
       the part in the [ ] im not sure if im gonna keep in there. Tell me whatcha think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Stranded Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stranded on an island,
    Not knowing where to turn,
    The only thing i have left to use,
    Is my wits, my heart and my head
    Running away from what is to be and once was
    I don't know where the water meets the shore
    How have I come across this island,
    No boat or ship was used
    The only navigation used was my heart versus yours
    To get off this island,
    What must i do?
    [Terminate my love so my heartaches with pain
    Or will I be stranded on this forsaken island for the rest of eternity?]




    Submitted on 2006-09-28 15:35:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      thanks for commeting on my poems and i think you should keep that part in there its cool and it fits in its lovely poem so
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Cara R.D | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again a clever write from you
    We all have those times when we feel we truly dont belong where we are and we wish there was someplace we can escape to too forget the pain of life
    'I see you have made an island with its serene view and true sence of being alone your safe spot
    Yes Thank God God has gifted us with a beautiful mind so we can actually create are own sweet vision or are own reality free from the negativity stored on this Earth
    Great Work
    I really liked it
    Look forward to reading new writes from you
    You definately have talent!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Personally, I'd get rid of the last part... It doesn't seem to go. Seems like a rather lonely poem... I'm not quite sure how to put what I think about it, so I'll just tell you that it is lovely, and something I haven't seen before.

    The only thing I really don't like is the you mention not knowing where to turn twice.

    Have a great day!!!
    | Posted on 2006-09-28 00:00:00 | by Areinaka | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... I think I would probably take the last part out.. but that's just me personally.. It doesn't quite seem to fit with the rest of the poem quite right. Other than that, excelently written.. I like the fact that it ends with a question(if you take the last lines out) and makes the reader think a little bit.. Yeah. Thats my opinion anyways..
    Mandimara
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by Mandimara | [ Reply to This ]


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