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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Four Russian Seasonsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 885
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 430



    Description:
       My grandmother had some Russian nesting dolls she kept on her mantle. I loved to play with them when we would go there on summer vacations.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFour Russian Seasonsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Four
    dolls perfect
    as eggs - Broken
    open at their middles -
    Sisters who fit, each inside
    their next: redhot Summer
    packed into goldleaf Autumn
    frozen inside iceblue Winter
    cradled within newgreen
    Spring melting. I replace
    the tiniest stolen sister,
    Fearing a year with
    no summer.






    Submitted on 2006-09-28 23:54:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      The imagery is really good here - using the dolls as a metaphor for seasons and by extension the natural order. Especially the nomenclature given to the dolls - that captures their essence quite well, not only intrinsically but also visually.

    And this is a very visual piece indeed. I am neither a poet nor an ES vet, so I have little idea of formatting; but it can't have been easy working this shape poem into the proper contours.

    Your ending has the most feeling, I do believe. Fearing a world without summer... It shows the fragility of the Russian dolls on the surface, the fragility of the world beneath that, and after that... well, the fears about global warming and the fears about nuclear winter are both symbols of their times, aren't they?

    This piece really shows a finger on the pulse of the soul.

    My only complaint is that the dolls' names sound a bit... contrived. I'm sorry; I can think of no better word.

    Nevertheless...


    Ave atque vale
    La Muse d'Azur
    | Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      Those dolls look like eggs? Weird. But yea, it works

    Sorry, I just left the most pointless comment but hey, I'm sure you'll get over it lol.

    And I figured you looked at that formatting page so you'll know how to bold, italicize and indent stuff now? Cool stuff... it isn't that hard once you get the hang of it.

    And um, I've run out of things to say. I'm still eating... I'm always hungry eek.

    Later
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, aren't those Russian dolls called Babushkas? I know there's another name for them but I forget.

    You wanted nitpicking details... so, I'll try.

    Hrm, I guess I'll throw something out at ya, huh? How about making this into something concrete ie shaping it like one of those dolls? Funky stuff? I think so lol. Here, maybe something like this:

    Four dolls
    perfect as eggs,
    broken open at
    their middles:
    Sisters
    that fit each
    inside the next.
    Redhot summer packed in
    goldleaf autumn frozen inside
    iceblue winter cradled within
    newgreen spring melting.
    I replace the tiniest
    stolen sister, fearing
    a year with no
    summer.

    Not sure if this will turn out right when I centre it, but hopefully it does...

    Peace,

    Jase

    P.S. Woohoo, it worked! I'm such a legend hahaha.
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is extremely boring and very very very very very very extremely very boring...
    | Posted on 2006-09-30 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      Very abstract. Very unique. I see that you're being brave here - being from LA, you're commenting on Russian weather and I assume you have never been there (forgive me if I'm wrong).

    I do like the language used here - not too spicy, but not bland either (almost like a good gumbo!)

    I must say though, I don't quite get it. The dolls being broken in the middle...What does this mean? I understand the dolls representing seasons and the overlap between them. I understand Summer being the tiniest because it is the shortest season in Russia.

    But I do want to say this: Don't change anything. the reason is because I can feel meaning here, but I don't get it yet - the poem may be a riddle and I like riddles and I'll ask you if I can't get it.

    Specifically, I'd like to know the speaker - little girl? God?

    I just wanted to say this piece is intriguing.

    Art Lives!
    T.J.
    | Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by tjsmith5 | [ Reply to This ]
      This gave me a smile. Short and sweet. Another good one from you (when are you going to submit your work somewhere?).

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    119938

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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