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    dots Submission Name: Holding You...dots

    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    24/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 622/961/454
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1185
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1671

       To someone who has just been a blessing to me

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHolding You...dots

    Fast lane, the world falls into it's own place,
    Deep and hollow inside my head without you.
    Trying to breath with life at my own set pace,
    I see love falling to fast holding on to virtue.

    My air, my twilight of my own reality,
    If you stay I can move on so much more.
    But it only hurts when your not holding me,
    Oh the thoughts you have my mind store...

    I'd do anything to make you smile,
    Anything at all that means that much to you.
    I want you just to stay, stay for a little while,
    Don't let me live what love lets us go through.

    Settle my eyes to sleep,
    Insomia comes when you aren't in my dreams.
    And suddenly I find myself a pillow to weep.
    How can love have pain, as gentle as it seems

    But the memories that come about,
    Of the nights making love to you was a charm.
    The comfort I'd give you when you'd cry out,
    And the feeling I get when your in my arms...

    You have my heart,
    And I don't want you to place it back alone.
    I need you to keep myself from falling apart,
    Let me hear your voice again on the phone...

    I don't want to see myself dying without you,
    I need you here,
    You are my dreams come true,
    The love you give off stuns me to tears...

    Let me hold you through out the day,
    Before you take off again.
    Let the world stop like it does when you stay,
    You make me feel like I'm in heaven...

    I love you...
    And always will

    Submitted on 2006-09-29 17:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i love it! <3
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by justkillme08 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... this one stands out from all of your other works. And dosn't seem to be your usual writeing style, but your good at this genera(sp) also. I loved this write, it brought back so many memories that I still feel constantly. I think many people feel this way after the loss of a loved one. Anyway, like Angie said, there are a few mistakes, but who am I to talk. This is great, def. a Fav+!
    Keep up the great work!
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]

    Okay I'm ganna beat you up, that made me cry!
    How can someone be so sweet and romantic?!
    I've never met someone like that, other than me.
    I love romance and love, but then I have a dark side.
    Anyways, this is a favorite, because you have no idea how much I loved this poem.
    God, I think you are perfect for me.

    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm...a poem about love...a bit of a contrast with the rest of your work...it does have potential. I noticed a few grammar errors I'll have to point out:it's too, instead of to (too fast) and you're instead of your(you're holding me). The twilight of my own reality would be better than my twilight of my own reality, so you can avoid repeating the word my too many times. Also, you should skim through it and try putting me instead of myself in some places. And wouldn't how can love cause pain instead of have pain? Have doesn't make that much of a sense. And with "love makes us go through" instead of "lets us go thorugh I'm hopefully done with the nit-picking.
    Sorry about that but it's the little things, the flow and the perfectly arranged words that give the reader that well-known state of comfort while reading poetry, and only then we can move on to the deeper level.
    Despite the little erros, I liked the forth stanza very much.
    The poem on the whole is full of feeling as good through its simplicity and sincerity. It wouldn't hurt to work on it a little bit more, though.

    It's good to see there are some ppl in this world that cause us something more than pain or indiference.

    And if you have the time, I would appreciate it if you could check out some of my work.

    Best wishes,

    | Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]

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