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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wintry Chilldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mandyshay07
    ASL Info:    17/f/kentucky yall!
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 119/121/32
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 342
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1268



    Description:
       well..i dont really know what to say about this piece, except that Im trying to express how i feel..constantly.. i guess i just want to know how you interpreted it and any suggestions you might have on how to improve it..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWintry Chilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost in my own mind,
    withdrawn from the world,
    thinking about who I was..
    wondering what I've become...

    I can't find my way home,
    far from me, in the darkness.
    So i wearily trudge ahead,
    my destination still dim.

    Wandering the dark streets,
    absorbed in my thoughts..
    finding the pieces of my shattered heart,
    but losing my grip on my soul.

    Eternal night in my mind.
    The sun shall never touch my skin.
    Her sister moon my new best friend,
    casting eerie shadows on my path.

    The pieces hide in the fog,
    but she illuminates my pale face,
    no pumping blood to color it,
    no warmth in my bones.

    I watch the outside world
    through my own unfamilliar eyes..
    so much love out there..
    so much warmth..

    They come to me in their pain.
    My body holds them as they cry.
    I watch them as they heal,
    so warm..and full of life.

    I reach out in my pain.
    Friends surround my being..
    those ones that love it..
    They hold me as my body cries.

    Why am I still so cold?







    Submitted on 2004-05-24 18:16:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think i've seen this journey through my own eyes, watching my steps go further and deeper into the winter chill of a Connecticut January. to me, however, i want to know who is watching me as i walk - this reads too faceless, too anonymous. put something more of yourself into this, give the "healed" a name. take moments not of this journey and put them in here as well. explain to me, i want to understand what makes you cold. don't expect people to stop and care if your hand is no different from the other hands that reach out looking for solace. you have great description techinique and i look forward to seeing more of your work. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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