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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: no vacanciesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: on1eday.co.uk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 887/402/54
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1499
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 754



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsno vacanciesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    But i never know what gaps to fill in where
    smoking doesn't make you a bad person and
    you rot the inside of me
    out so
    it's by appointment only now.
    i could only ever see you yesterday
    and my personal space is 24 inches
    please. i know
    you feel so kinaesthetic
    and that's why you can't see me in
    the dark

    And it is self fulfilling
    that i play your song on repeat
    only to cut out the heads,
    it's that gut wrenching pining for the landscape
    no matter how much i spit
    and scribble you out
    I never know what it is I am looking for
    anyway.
    the words
    they always fit two sizes too big




    Submitted on 2006-10-01 10:28:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i saw the end of a cigarette glowing in the dark...
    a hot ember flaring like the temper of the speaker when his space is invaded by love...

    it doesn't fit...two sizes too big...and i don't want to wear it...

    you're not a bad person..i just don't want to die from the second hand smoke of heartbreak...and you may do that to me...
    "i am looking for the words" and my muse is the only one i will let within my space...

    i used to feel free and easy with you...but now?

    "by appointment only"
    like carol king lyrics..."it used to be so easy living here with you...you were light and breezy and i knew just what to do/ now you look so unhappy and i feel like a fool--it's too late baby, it's too late'

    so take your cigarette outside please..i want to clear the room of the smoke that is you being constantly on my mind.

    okay i ramble..but this poem makes me go places...it's dark, brooding...

    fits my mood toward romance and love these days.

    | Posted on 2011-04-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Fascinating...

    that's why you can't see me in
    the dark

    this sticks in my head. It may not be what you intended, but it makes me think of the nights I spend hiding in the dark corners and the shadows of people more amazing than myself, and feeling completely invisible. It moves me.

    I never know what it is I am looking for
    anyway.
    the words
    they always fit two sizes too big

    Can it be said any better?
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      made me think of paperdolls and ransom notes and the way that messages scrawled in bus station walls always seem to have been penned by serial killers...

    i was thinking of crayolas, how i used to sharpen them over and over when i was small because i liked the way they smelled, and how a japanese plum feels aainst your palm when you pull it from it's stem and it splits by accident length-wise.

    and how smoke unfurls from the end of cigarettes and incense...

    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      This is strange. Your crafting has rendered the stiches, the cracks, the little bit of paste around the edges, invisible.

    "But i never know what gaps to fill in where
    smoking doesn't make you a bad person and
    you rot the inside of me
    out so "


    You're filling in the gaps as you speak. And I'm stuck on the line about smoking not making someone a bad person. It's a childish view that smoking makes someone bad, and yet there's something about people who smoke that is different form those who don't. Do we all feel that perhaps we're not really good people? Is is a choice" to not be perfect, to 'rebel'...


    And i suppose the gap between "smoking" which doesn't make you a bad person...and then she rots you inside out. There's a gap there. Like the into to Eternal Sunshine, where suddenly he's crying and driving and everything's changed.

    Oh, god, there's too much to say. I like kinaesthetic... i'm unsure you know, exactly what that means, but i'll take it for granted that's why she can't see you in the dark.


    "spit and scribble you out"
    "i don't know what i'm looking for,"
    "the words two sizes too big"


    You touch on so many things here. Trying to get what you mean/feel/want onto paper, relationships, self-pity/loathing onctrasted with failed relationships and how some people are like puzzle pieces forced to co-exist in the same space before tension breaks them apart, or something else replace.

    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, it's like your picture . . . too damned big to fit in the allotted space!

    It's been a long, long time, Freddy me boyo! I just dropped by to check out what you've been up to and all that . . . coasting?

    Maybe, but what do I know?

    But it's this subject that interests me for now, because I've thought about this a lot. I think any artist does when we see a thing in our heads and no matter what our form of expression is . . . are we ever satisfied we've done it justice? What a rub that is, too! Instead of feeling joy, we feel like we've somehow failed to live up to the power of our visions.

    At least that's what I was thinking . . .
    | Posted on 2006-11-07 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      self-fulfilling
    gut-wrenching

    eek, painful. i feel like you were almost sobbing this out, maybe dry-heaving? maybe a rap or a rant?

    very much a bitter break-up tangle to me. Perhaps from the view of a slightly paranoid or emotionally unstable person?

    The last stanza reminds me also of cutting photos, ruining letters or notes.

    Too personal and confusing to get many comments, but I think you must be very satisfied with it. I wouldn't change a thing if you like it this way.
    | Posted on 2006-10-29 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the 13 or so punters that rocked up here before me will have had little choice other than to 'get it' because you chose a narrative style and the breaks are well considered, so i think this is eloquent in its disjointed, scratch and sniff kind of way.
    and the form is appropriate to the message you want us to get in this respect and you still have that way of inducing a sort of shift; a sort of vertigo as it were. i see this as a talent not a happy accident: ordering things like some kind of poltergeist so they induce inner change. random stacking of the soul as it were.
    and eloquent in its minimalist way too, if that doesn't contradict the first statements. there is no fat on this and Alia was right in that, in this case it really is what it is and little else.
    and accessible; which shows that in some ways you have dropped a guard although i daresay the gumshield is still in...
    Yes accessible.
    And not.
    Take it easy mate.
    Hasta,
    k
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
            Where have you led me?
          It reminds me of a dark closet (24 inches thing), and it was dark there... dark... secrets or lies perhaps. The first three to four lines seemed as if the syntax was off some, that the lines flew into the next kind of awkward.
          I think you're leaving the big assumptions to the reader because I don't know really of whom you're talking about. You say "appointments," and contributing this with the title, I think of some profession that heals people in one way or another your mentioning of smoking makes me think of this and stress.
          Then there is the ominous mention of the song. No, not even 'the' song, their song, as if it were being directed to a person in particular. Maybe... a girl... since they do like all the strangest songs, ones we would never consider listening to ourselves, as men.
          The "cutting of the heads" thing reminds me of pictures... and people who hate other people, they would burn holes into their images (perhaps that's where the cigerette thing comes into play). Or maybe there is no connection like this intended; these are just what I have found in my head that have been induced by your poem.
    | Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by rouge wave | [ Reply to This ]


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