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    dots Submission Name: Broken Arrowsdots

    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1118
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 880


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Arrowsdots

    Even if the walls burn down,
    I'll stand here in the flame.
    Broken arrows cloud my path
    and point at me in shame.
    Even if it's not my fault,
    I'll swallow all the blame,
    just like pills I take at night
    to veil my fractured name.

    Maybe when the fire starts,
    I'll close my eyes again.
    Angels scream in pain until
    this building meets its end.

    Even though this bed is cold
    and pillows feel like snow,
    I'll lie here in the arrows
    until it's time to go.
    Even though the ocean seems
    too far from what I know,
    (solitude entombs my heart)
    I'll stare from this window.

    Maybe when the fire ends,
    the ash will decorate
    my dress to make me beautiful
    so I can reach that gate.

    Submitted on 2006-10-01 23:46:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      okay, yet another brilliant write - forgive my repetetive comments, but I just can't help it! I love everything you write - lol!

    "Maybe when the fire ends,
    the ash will decorate
    my dress to make me beautiful
    so I can reach that gate."

    I absolutely adore that stanza. It's so perfect, and I can see this image in my head that is very striking. Were I better artist, I'd try to draw it, but alas, I don't think it would turn out very good - lol!

    Another wonderful write, I'm in awe of you!

    ~Mandi Gayle~
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      uh, I just want you to know I gave you a 5, i'd give you 6 out of 5 instead, but they wont let me, this; this; is undeserving of a comment of my aptitude, it would nowhere equeal the justice!
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Hot damn homie! (i haven't even the SLIGHTEST clue where that just came from...)

    ok, i hope we've all recovered from that bout of weirdness. On to my comment!!

    I love fire, it's just so pretty, and dangerous, and hot (temperature wise), and it smells nice. Like this poem. (i think i'm goin somewhere with this but i'm not sure, so just let me ramble.) This whole damn poem is on fire! figurativly and... figurativly? umm... ok, new paragraph!

    (this is why people think i'm on drugs...)

    This is fricken awe inspiring dear. Your metaphors are beautiful, the rythem is fluid, the word choices are perfect. <<C'est Magnifique!>>

    "Even if the walls burn down,
    I'll stand here in the flame.
    Even if it's not my fault,
    I'll swallow all the blame,"
    Excellent beginning to an excellent poem! Makes ya seem tough! (he-he, look at all my excellmation points!) You can ryhme like nobody's business!

    "Angels scream in pain until
    this building meets it's end."
    This is so pretty... but dear, your grammer is off!
    "this building meets IT'S end." should be
    "this building meets ITS end" silly, it's = it is;
    its = the building's.

    ok, im doin way to many things at once. time to end this crazy comment.

    have a super fun day!
    | Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. This seems pretty different and unique from some of the other poems I've seen on here. The rhyme scheme, I must say, made the poem hard to struggle through. Not sure why, I think it's just that my mind is always waiting for a differentiating rhyme, and with each stanza, it was the same rhyme throughout the entire stanza. Very nice work, though.

    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by Stygian | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully done, this poem had so much pain and anguish in it, that made this write so vividly beautiful...I love how you chose your choice of metaphores and loved the imagery of emotion you placed in this piece of art! Even though this bed is cold
    and pillows feel like snow,
    I'll lie here in the arrows
    until it's time to go.

    ^This was my favorite line in your poem it really reached out to me and touched me like no other write...
    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      Nikki you amaze me!!! This was another GREAT poem I liked this one so much I saved it and have read it many times!
    How you been? I hope all is well?
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]

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