I know Absurds will Win. -------------------------------------------
Dance with me here Muse.
Dance in this hallway
Between these stuttering electric lights
On this cracked tile
Between these people
Who don’t know you
Who don’t see you . . .
But chase you each day
Your scent in an empty room
That glimpse of hair
Gone around the corner
Dance because I’ve found you
Dance because you were always here
Dance because we will never take back
Those dance-less nights.
When the gathered crowd’s whispered words
Combat my mind’s fleeting grasp of absurds
I know Absurds will win.
When the approving dawn’s light
Arrives soothing youth’s fright
I know Absurds will win
what have they to say we don’t know of?
So let us two today proclaim, for Love
Moot. As is always the case with you, excellent imagery. The image of dancing in a crappy hallway with florescent lights and strangers all around (made me think dorms,) is great. The next few lines about the illusive nature of the muse seem to me partially about your search for her, but more about others inability to see her. Which makes me never quite sure, if your love is a specific “real” person or an imaginary ideal that you, (and to extend it, everyone) flirts with in your (or their) mind (s). The thing I like about seeing it the second way (which I assume is what you meant,) is that it leaves you wondering exactly what can’t the other people see in their lives? What can’t we all see? What is it exactly that no one else can see. . . I don’t know if you want to answer that question at all, but that is what it raises to me. Of course the lines also work more simply as an expression of the individual nature of love that puts it almost by definition beyond other peoples sight. I am going to disagree with the person farther down who said they didn’t like “never take back those dance-less nights.” Perhaps it is only because I myself have had too many dance-less nights, and so am not objective, but I think it should stay. It adds a bit to the dreamlike tone of the poem, if only by adding the counterbalancing hint of sadness necessary to really appreciate the happiness in your absurdity. Speaking of absurdity, I assume you are commenting on the absurdity of love? You added a few lines recently to make that more clear I think, because last time I read this it was different. . . but I like the changes. The idea of a crowd of people whispering-plotting-gossiping combating your fragile love is one I like, perhaps because I recall middle and high school where so many people lose loves to such a crowd. I also like the sound of that couplet especially, I don’t know why. I am not sure I grasp the dawn, since it has so many possible and good uses. It could be “light” as a symbol of good overcoming the black time period you are in. (This interpretation seems weakest to me, but what do I know?) It could be waking after a night together and realizing you are still together and this was not all a dream. It could also be the passage of time soothing you and proving the strength of your love. All are possible, just not sure which of them you intended. I know Absurds Will win… a nice comment on how you know your love, (or perhaps the two of you as the Absurds involved in love) with prevail, and how that certainty carries you through the rough times until the day you declare your love openly, and indeed, it does. Ahh Moot, if only every woman in the world knew what romantic writers we were perhaps we would have far fewer dance-less nights. . . With Love, Moot.
Its very hard to write love poems ( at least for me) but you pulled it off. This poem is full of wonderful visuals that pulled me into the scene of the poem. I felt your emotions towards the muse and how you put the muse on a pedestal and it was like you were worshiping her and begging her to dance with you. ( Thats what I got from the repetition.) and the allusiveness of the absurd one left me in a state of deep though at the end of the poem. I felt as though you portrayed your emotions with the scenery especially in this line : 'Between these stuttering electric lights/ On this cracked tile' all in all a very original and interesting poem.
Well, absurd is a good word to use because in this piece, there is an element of absurdity. But what I like about it is the fact that there is a certain sense of clarity that seem to pierce through the fabric.
It felt like you were confident with the enlightenment that you've found and that you just chose to let go of yourself... you know... give it away and dance with the damn muse.
It felt like you didn't care and that you just wanted to be... well... human.
I think that you expressed that well. The repetitions, though in danger of being annoying, were very useful in going for that effect.
absurdities? A little unclear as to what this made up word is exactly implying, but I dig.
"Dance with me here Muse. Dance in this hallway Between these stuttering electric lights On this cracked tile"
I like this opening, a strong a vibrant proclimation that really sells the intensity of this passion.
"Dance because we will never take back Those dance-less nights."
For some reason this line just doesn't work for me. You have a build up with the repitition, and this line just falls flat for me. The image of dance-less nights becomes less impadtful because it is just another reiteration of the word. Maybe picking a more vibrant image of a stagnant nonmoving night could help to explicate the juxtaposition.
Submission Name: I know Absurds will Win.
