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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fare-well my Frienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poetic Ways
    Elite Ratio:    1.31 - 9/24/26
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 864
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1677



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFare-well my Frienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Black heart and this infected blood runnin thru my viens
    Tieing this knot in my noose I'm ready to let go off all my pains
    I can see the other side my friend, and the grass isn't much greener
    The heart is still alone and black and the blood isn't much cleaner
    The hopes and dreams of my peculiar mind are crashing and burning
    Friends come and go, more go then come, now my conscience is turning
    I bleed tears and cry sweet melodies of intense desire to bleed more
    diseased life and my infectious blood, killing me slowly, i want no cure
    these tortchured and tormented eyes see only a barrier holding me back
    Keep your head up son you must keep hope, gain faith two thing you cannot lack
    You can look into these eyes but you may see things you don't want to see
    However, you can't look into my mind nor my heart, you can't break thru to me
    I'm a fighting soldier, and my war serves me no good, I elect to no longer fight
    I hold my self down i hold my self back, but with no worries of a sudden fright
    Please let go of me allow me to make this decisions on my own, I ask you this
    Hands together, praying to the great lord to forgive my sins, he's waving a fist
    I'm down now, not by choice, my mind has collapsed, This black heart is ready to go
    Happiness defeated with my tears of a dismal dream, no longer will a smile show
    My last door is opened, Closing it behind me with no intentions of opening it again
    I will not wave goodbye but look at my trembling lips, as i say fare-well my friend!




    Submitted on 2006-10-02 21:10:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm. Resembles my Relapsed write! but not as angerful outwards, more inwards.

    Nice write. Hope we can stay connected, your much like I, I think...

    Peace,

    -- Jason Clement
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall, this piece was very well written. It lacks nothing more than a few simple corrections with spelling. I really really enjoyed this piece, it was brilliant.

    off= of (line one)

    peculiarline five) it looks weird to me you might wanna check.

    tortchured=tortured (line nine)

    thing=things(line ten)

    decisions=decision(line 16)
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by Emo_Doll | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    120357

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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    January 10 07
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