Cirque de Sorrow. by icaughtfire591

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Submission Name: Cirque de Sorrow. dots

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Author:	icaughtfire591
ASL Info:	16/f/MI
Elite Ratio:	4.27 - 75/74/39
Words:	159

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	1231
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1029

Description:
i really liked how this turned out. please comment.

Cirque de Sorrow. dots

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All you cheaters and you lovers,
Welcome to the show.
The main attraction of my circus;
Hypocrisy steeped in woe.
Secrets swirl darkly around
A nothing that’s ready to blow.
Paint it black so you don’t see me,
Come on now,
Let’s start the show.

See there, crumpled on the floor
Bruised and helpless where they lie,
Are the remains of a lost soul;
The sordid proof of my demise.
You can touch it if you want to,
Don’t mind it if it cries.
The tears will not stain you;
Just rinse them clean with time.
Silence won't reign forever,
Only in life,
And then it dies.

So now you know the truth.
This is the catalyst of my soul,
Reflecting my inner self,
Never ready to let it go.
And I will always linger;
My heart’s sobriquet is Ghost.
So all you cheaters and you lovers,
Come on down,
We’ll start the show.

Submitted on 2006-10-03 07:00:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
oooo wow... I'm very impressed! I really love this... I got distracted from those music videos (lol) by the fact that this has "Cirque" in the title, and I'm a HUUUGE fan of CIrque du Soleil... hm. My favorite part was definitely:
You can touch it if you want to,
Don’t mind it if it cries.
The tears will not stain you;
Just rinse them clean with time.
That really impressed me, a lot. I found that this should have been emo, except it wasn't, it was just very lyrical and beautiful and expressive. Hm... I wasn't a huge fan of the last stanza, though, for some reason... in comparison to the second stanza it just wasn't powerful enough and didn't hold my attention, though I can't say exactly what to fix it : anyway... back to korean pop bands! ~Cora
| Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
"Paint it black so you don’t see me,"

Oh my! Is that a Rolling Stones reference? I like them.

"See there, crumpled on the floor
Bruised and helpless where it lies,"

Not a very flattering verse, I think.

"My heart’s sobriquet is Ghost."

I like that bit quite a bit. I've always wanted to use 'sobriquet' in my own pieces, but the opportunity's never presented itself.

Oh, also:

"See there, crumpled on the floor
Bruised and helpless where it lies,
Is the remains of a lost soul;"

That somehow doesn't sound right to me. I suggest either:

a.) Bruised and helpless were they lie,
Are the remains of a lost soul.

Or

b.) You could leave it just the way it is and ignore everything I've just typed.

(I suggest the latter!)

Yours Truly,
Nobody.
| Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.