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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Phoenix Risingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PoeticNonsense
    ASL Info:    20/f/around
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 205/215/100
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 849
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       rerererevised


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhoenix Risingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I fall.
    Desolate, degraded, dead
    to the bottom
    of the bottomless chasm that is misery.

    I crash and burn
    letting the vivid flames consume everything,
    harshly gentle as they enfold me.
    Finally only a smoldering pile of ash remains
    to mark my grave.

    But I am not finished.

    I am like a Phoenix.
    going down in flames,
    rising from the ashes.

    Who are they to define me?
    What do they know of me?
    they see only the last flame of my death,
    the ashes that I leave behind.
    They dont stay for the encore.
    But I dont need an audience.
    I know who I am.
    I know what I am.

    Dying is not an option.
    I will not submit to
    mortality.




    Submitted on 2006-10-03 11:38:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      my gosh every time i read something of yours i get an entire movie in my head with scenes and certain actors and (of course and encore). your ridiculous. you know that. "if i have no passion when im 30 im going home." are you joking? it would be an absolute crime if you ever stopped writing. i think your fan club here(i must admit im in it) would all have to follow suit, we'd all just give up on life. cobain, hemingway, marilyn monroe, Van Gogh, plath. honestly if you leave we'll have nothing. with love. kt.
    | Posted on 2009-05-26 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]
      amen and amen...beautiful..though mortality is a human trait...but if excepted willingly..its one we can defete
    | Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by eagle wing | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the idea of a phoenix. a symbol of rebirth, bravery, and determination. very well writen
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by rocker5871 | [ Reply to This ]
      You really have an amazing understanding of poetry. I love your descriptive oxymoron- "harshly gentle" flames- it gives me the impression of the flames wrapping around you like a blanket- beautiful! And also falling to the bottom of a "bottomless" chasm- intense!
    To me, this is definately a poem about being self confident- being comfortable in your own skin knowing that if you make a mistake or if something bad happens you will pick yourself up again and carry on living.
    The phoenix is a very clear comparison and through it i think a wider audience will be able to see where your coming from and if not i think they will at least be able to form their own thoughts on it and interpret in their own way! I think this is proved by the amount of comments you have received for this!
    I think the structure is paticularly good- when i read it aloud just as it's written it does sound amazing.
    I dont agree with the comments that say it is either too short or too long [although perhaps you've revised it since then] i think that its perfect for what you're trying to say. Sometimes longer poems are dragged out and you get bored and what else is there to say. and sometimes shorter poems dont convey enough! i think these criticisms have been made for criticisms sake!
    anyway it works...
    | Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by WaysAndMeans | [ Reply to This ]
      This is by far one of the best poems i have ever read. The pheonix is my favorite mystical beast I couldn't ever think of writing something with so much imagery. This is an amazing poem, keep writing, you have a gift.

    Ciao,

    Samantha
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by Sharati_hottie | [ Reply to This ]
      The wording was spectacular, though some rhyming would make it flow better.
    | Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really deep and to the point. you write with a simple style which is so easy to understand. this is what makes a great writer to me. lots of writters use big fancy words which to me gets frustrating. of course it is not neccessary to use fancy big poetic words.

    hey i am not offending any one.

    keep on trucking, you DO have talent.
    HotRodRuss
    | Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
      Very straightfoward. similar to my style of writing. I really enjoyed this one. It is going in my faves list. This poem really speaks my life too. Great Write!
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by jlpurvis2001 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the allusion to the Phoenix as well! I think you have really hit the mark here. Powerful, thoughtful and packed with a reality that we can feel.
    Your dismissaql of the "who are they" people who inhabit our worldn is beautifully "throw away" and makes the point with a telling barb.
    Your use of uneven stanzas works well and I think you should be proud of this write. Well done for me. Warmest.
    Donald
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      Well i am a bit confuse while reading this one. As far i know, phoenix is a great bird, its has a great charisma, a blazing flame as a symbol of great spirit.

    This part is great

    but i dont need an audience.
    i know who i am
    i know what i am

    But sometimes we really need someone advice and help. I think i had been in a bad situation when i cant think clearly and i will definitely someone's advice and help. I am agree with butterfly_chi5, i like the ide you use phoenix. But this one is also too long, i hope you can make it shorter, i believe it will be more beautiful. (If you think my comment is too harsh, then ignore it, everybody have their own style and you know what the best for your poetry)

    Take Care

    - David -
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by garnet4david | [ Reply to This ]
      I like to read stuff that I can relate too. I've read through a few of your writes and this is my favorite. Probably because I know where your coming from. I don't know much about the Phoenix but I know all about coming up out of the ashes. And I am learning that 'I don't need an audience' I am all that matters when it comes to my survival and I will not be defeated. I don't want to bash it... I like it too much.

    You have a typo on line 3 of stanza 2 (enfold).

    Stanza 6 line 3 confused me... exactly what were you saying here? They saw only the flame of my death?

    Anyway, great write. Keep on keepin' on.
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, this is a great idea, i love the illuson to the Phoenix. the only thing is, your poem is kinda simple. maybe that is how you wanted it,a nd im not bashing that, cuz i love the shortness. but if you wanted to make it longer it would be very simple, and may bring more of an impact. the pheonix is a wonderful, mythical bird, one that you could use many descriptions. describe the intencity of the fire, the burning of your old flesh, the charing away of the past mistakes and failures. then bring a little more wonder into the rebirth. how you stand and begin the cycle again.
    you have a good start here. keep at it. this is a good poem and could easily become a great write. ~Nichole
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]


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