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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Autumndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495



    Description:
       I was on my porch, this side of the rain...thinking about things.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAutumndots
    -------------------------------------------


    And it is warm here
    this side of the rain
    says the girl to the boy
    on this side of day

    and we kissed there
    under the giants light
    and moved as we watched it
    and hid in the night

    I could love you
    says the she to the he
    and your eyes and your toes
    and all in between

    I belong here
    I'll soon run away
    but isn't it lovely
    this side of the rain





    Submitted on 2006-10-03 14:40:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Very good write Jazmine. I know this is one of your older poems, but I just now thought about reading it, so I did just that. The title just sort of caught my eye.

    Anyway, this poem is grand. I think you've already grown more past this poem now than when Solomon said you were evolving into a great writer. You are a great poet, and this peice shows that.

    The imagery in this poem took me into a hypnotic (could've been from....ah n/m) state almost. The flow is wonderful.

    "I could love you
    says the she to the he
    and your eyes and your toes
    and all in between"
    This verse is probably my favorite, I'm not really sure why. I guess it's the way you used "the she to the he", that strikes me as unique. At the end of that verse, it implies seemingly sexual things.

    Anyway, this is a very good peice. Keep writing,
    and don't give up on your dreams. You'll capture them in a frame one day....
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
      Very romantic and cute, but it's unclear a bit; what do you mean by "other side of the rain"? Interesting poem, nonetheless.
    | Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      I was going to paste my favorite part in my comment but there's no point reposting the entire poem. You should really look into compiling a book of your stuff.
    I also agree that it feels like a fairy tale.
    The third stanza makes me think of Dr. Seuss for some reason. It made me smile. But I think the second and fourth stanzas where my favorite.
    The second because it's romantic. No one can read those four lines and not feel something.
    And the fourth because it's contradictory:
    "I belong here I'll soon run away"
    And God I bet it's "lovely this side of the rain".
    Well I guess I did pick a few lines didn't I.

    Kyle
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful...you run across so much tallent on this site that sometimes its hard to sift between them...im not meaning that in a bad way at all there are alot of amazing poetry posted here daily...this one stands out...this is the poem you remember when you standing under a tree watching the leaves fall ...this is the poem you will remember when you taste that first and last kiss...i really dont know if im explaining myself well <laugh> been then i rarely do....

    AL
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      it read like a little fairytale. it's a lovely piece, a wee romance on a wet, autumn day, very precious.
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      very lovely, dear...keep it up

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      yeh you are good i like it i just thought that i will be lost in you world keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by kingsley | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you captured the feeling of autumn really well. it took me somewhere else for a second. somewhere really spacey and surreal. it made me think about stuff -- like how i tend to push people away and stuff. made me do a little introsepection. as always -- good stuff. yeah . . . really good stuff. i can see that your writing is changing and evolving. you are becoming pretty darn good at this thing.
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good write. I like the way you express the feeling and the repetiveness works very well.

    Well done on a good write.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I belong here
    I'll soon run away
    but isn't it lovely
    this side of the rain


    Odd...I feel this way sometimes. Lovely write...

    I could love you
    says the she to the he
    and your eyes and your toes
    and all in between

    Pretty...

    I saw a movie yesterday that reminded me of you and Cory. "Garden State." Natalie Portman is like you...she just tells silly lies for no reason. And Zach Braff is like Cory seems to me...completely numb to things because he was [censored]ed up at an early age and has been on medication since he was like nine...Great movie. I may own it by the next time that I see you.
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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