Description: for Nan
This was a journal stream of conscious she liked. Yesterday I was psyched, I found a baby snake outside and watched it glide passed
p.s.into the grass. peace How do I put pictures on individual posts ?
The serpent and the flower -------------------------------------------
what we meditate on we become
I was God's sun
Illuminating the moon
until i was wounded;
harpooned by exhaust fumes,
Crucified, entombed and wrapped in linen
You can call me alpha cause I've been here since the beginning
when sound waves started spinning; reverberating, creating matter
I've been resurrected the soul survivor of Atlantis
My ancestors sculpted planets from Plato
Then tossed them into orbit spinning them like Dradels
i was cradled by the stars until I fell through space
On a remote ocean island
I used my palms to create shade
But we all need sustenance to proliferate
I drank coconut milk and the earth became my mother
An immaculate conception unlike any other
I discovered I couldn't handle all the channels on tv
So I began burning books
And in their ashes I planted trees
Because knowledge is within us
and Eden's carried in the breeze
Everyone contains the serpent and the flower
God is in the mirror and words can bring you power
So, you are saying that everyone has evil or good in them?
I think it is more like people have the capacity for evil or good within themselves. But depending on how strong their will and conscience, they will do either good or bad things. And of course, Satan, the original serpent, always wants us to bad; he always wants us to go against God.
Ah yes, the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. God is to time indefinite.
Interesting poem. Kind of like a timeline of sorts, from beginning until now. From our beginning we have been plagued by Satan and his demons. But, we have God's word, the Bible ("and words can bring you power") to help us to be strong and to do what is right.
Well it is a bit different then that bio but dang it is just as perfectly beautiful.
I love your train of the thought when you just let it all flow and the subject is earthy and other worldly...yummy stuff
You can call me alpha cause I've been here since the beginning
when sound waves started spinning; reverberating, creating matter
I've been resurrected the soul survivor of Atlantis
My ancestors sculpted planets from Plato
Then tossed them into orbit spinning them like Dradels
i was cradled by the stars until I fell through space
On a remote ocean island
I used my palms to create shade
I swear this could not get any better...it is perfect and I should have kept this close long ago...I do remember it but for the life of me don't know why I didn't comment.
Creation from ashes, to raise and fall within lines drawn by those who passed time on to us and knowing al the while...we are richer then gold...stronger then the rock we crush and so much more pure then the God we worship in stone....the glass shows the true form and we can only grow once we truly understand.
You are the best at this style...and I LOVE it ; )
"I discovered I couldn't handle all the channels on tv
So I began burning books
And in thier ashes I planted trees
Because knowledge is within us
and Eden's carried in the breeze
Everyone contains the serpent and the flower
God is in the mirror and words can bring you power"
This stanza grabbed at me the most. I like your style of writing you seem unconcerened with following traditional rythm and flow and in the process create a flow all your own that works just as well. Very nice.
Before I begin my comment, I will thank you for commenting so thoroughly on "Burning Authority." I will take it and work on it more to clarify my meaning.
Speaking of a clear meaning, this stream of consciousness poem is sparse in connected thoughts and packed with singulars. A stream of consciousness piece is supposed to convey an overall point by giving bits and pieces of supportive imagery or evidence. I saw a couple of things that could support your final point, that "Because knowledge is within us and Eden's carried in the breeze Everyone contains the serpent and the flower"
The biblical references aren't strong enough for this point, such as the dradel--how does that fit in? Give little connectiong thoughts for each individual thought to bring you closer and closer to this final point. Even if the poem is longer, I was completely lost until the last part of the second stanza and the excerpt above. I couldn't follow your thought process. This happens to me, when i think that everyone will understand where I'm coming from, but from an outsider's perspective the thoughts seem completely random.
And, harpooned by exhaust fumes really has no place in this poem (that I can see).
I would be fascinated to see how you came to write this poem, since its message is so pervasive and multifaceted.
Thanks Dave, I remember this so very well. I apologize for not getting here sooner, I've been out of town.
I do have an idea for a possible break to divide the first strophe.Use it if you like, but I think its does step into different territory.
what we meditate on we become I was God's sun Illuminating the moon until i was wounded; harpooned by exhaust fumes, Crucified, entombed and wrapped in linen
You can call me alpha cause I've been here since the begining when sound waves started spinning; reverberating, creating matter I've been resurected the soul survivor of atlantis My ancestors sculpted planets from plato Then tossed them into orbit spinning them like dradels i was cradeled by the stars until I fell through space On a remote ocean island I used my palms to create shade
I wouldn't change a thing on this except maybe some misspellings, that would be it.
Thanks Dave, I have to keep this one. Thanks for remembering me too, you kind, whirlwind of creation. And playing with baby snakes is fun isn't it?
I liked the beginning of this, but the end was just wonderful... that last paragraph was just excellent. I like the slant-rhymes, and the rappish feel to it... the uneven-ness, however you say it. It keeps it from becoming sing-song. I love the part about burning books and planting trees... very visual, very zennish... A great write overall, I read and re-read it, and then re-read it. KEWL!
At some instances it feels overcooked but then you sort of twist it a little to pull me back to Earth... only to launch me to space again. I'm not too crazy about the transitions... but the over-all product as an endorsement for the power of the human mind... is something worth hanging on to.
I don't think you need to explain (play-do) Plato, but on the next line, I don't think I would say that you played with the dradel either, because it's too repetitve of the sound. Spin the dradel. That's what they do with them anyway.
Lastly, see if anyone else agrees, but I think the I sland ed is too cheesey for this poem.
Submission Name: The serpent and the flower
