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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sonnet:My mind has lost all purposedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lerlim
    ASL Info:    48/M/France
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 110/58/18
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 731



    Description:
       


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    dotsSonnet:My mind has lost all purposedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My mind has lost all purpose and direction,
    A compass crazed by gleaming steel encountered,
    No longer pointing north, without intention,
    About its axis spinning yet uncentered.

    It vacillates, from task to task is thrown,
    Forever strives the gentle blade to see
    Its hidden core a labyrinth unknown
    Wherein my new-found fantasy walks free.

    But is this metal cause that I aspire?
    So briefly glimpsed, can it have dealt this plight?
    Oh no! 'Tis my own longing and desire
    That keep my thoughts a-wandering day and night.

    Yet if I dared to wish, I might entreat
    That yearnings and reality should meet.




    Submitted on 2006-10-04 02:12:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I realy like this... The title intialy brought me in becouse it was very intriging, then the words flowed so well that i found my self not wantig to wait to read the rest as i was reading it. it had a great flow, that just made it that much better, along with a great message that i understand, from exsperience. Great work keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by FLHgg | [ Reply to This ]
      So like this one, certainly not perfect iambic pentameter but
    close enough that I would not feel bad about calling it a sonnet
    it passes the other test you introduce the subject complicate it
    and your last two lines are a conclusion.

    now this line
    It vacillates, from task to task is thrown
    I can read it the way it is but I find it hard to do
    I keep wanting to change is to its

    Now as for the read you have my mind spinning a bit
    you have me wondering just what it was that put you
    in such a state. I could hypothesize many things but I
    would only be using a type of personification by
    giving parts of myself to your poem there is probably
    a better name for that but I can't pull it up right now.
    But I do remember going through a similar period not
    all that long ago.

    Now as an aside forms are very good discipline but you
    should try some free verse
    and as far as forms go you are good at them much better
    than the average poet.

    Also I am assuming English is not your first language
    which makes your feat more of marvel to me.

    Oh and my favorite lines are

    Its hidden core a labyrinth unknown
    Wherein my new-found fantasy walks free.

    I have always been found of labyrinths as long as I
    don't come upon some half human god child that
    wants to gnaw on my bones but it seems to me he
    preferred virgins

    well any way I got into this one thanks

    Dale
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a [censored], isn't it?

    Dream, as an entity, has always been delicious. It takes the form of everything that you want it to be and just sweeps you away to give samples.

    Just samples.

    But, while appears to be free, it is actually causing you the one thing that can never be replenished: time.

    But we, as human beings, can't really stop dreaming can we? No. Because it is a necessary component that makes life beautiful. It's just that, it's hard to not get addicted to it.

    It's irritating sometimes because after day-dreaming, I always feel this empty space inside me. Like I wasted something important.

    Oh well...

    I think that this is a well-written piece. Good job.

    Welcome to Elite.
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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