[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Alone With Mere Creationdots

    Author: kiddo13
    ASL Info:    28/F/TN
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 70/61/22
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 706
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 671

       Where do you find peace?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlone With Mere Creationdots

    As I bask in the moon on the sand I am calm
    More at ease than I 've been before,
    like a balm
    to my soul
    The soft light on the water
    to refresh my thirsty spirit
    The life is breathed back into me
    with the gentle breeze... can you hear it?
    And to me this place is vital
    as the insects give recital
    in the woods that do surround me in the night
    Revive my very essence
    For tomorrow will renew my dreadful plight
    So it is now I brace myself
    on a creek bank in the sand
    With elements of mere creation
    my solace in this land

    Submitted on 2006-10-04 13:49:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I hate cities and the general lack of trees everywhere because I grew up in a place where there are lots of trees. My dad is Tarzan and my mum is Jane, I think. But you want to know what I think? I think dad's just lying and I'm actually the outcome of that fling he had with Cheetah's sister.


    So it's a scene on a lake in a forest place. Weren't there leeches?

    ... Joking.

    Yours truly,
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm a counrty guy to, but the city keeps getting bigger were not too far off from getting a crispy creme now. My place where I've found peace for nearly five years has been banned from the public and made private property. Cops patrol the area and look for cars of unwanted wanders. I want to walk out there sometime when my friend comes back if it's before winter.

    Anyway about your piece sorry for the tangent it sort of through me into the dreamy reverie that my place used to. As with the other write I read of yours the rhyme is there though one time in particular it feels forced that is in these two lines

    like a balm
    to my soul

    It's not so much what you said sure balm rymhe with calm and balms ease tension when despensed on skin and rubbed in but the simile just is beneath this piece it weakens it. That's my opinion. So let me just reinterate that simply changing the way you say it will create a more perfect feel. peace
    | Posted on 2006-10-04 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]