Alone With Mere Creation -------------------------------------------
As I bask in the moon on the sand I am calm
More at ease than I 've been before,
like a balm
to my soul
The soft light on the water
to refresh my thirsty spirit
The life is breathed back into me
with the gentle breeze... can you hear it?
And to me this place is vital
as the insects give recital
in the woods that do surround me in the night
Revive my very essence
For tomorrow will renew my dreadful plight
So it is now I brace myself
on a creek bank in the sand
With elements of mere creation
my solace in this land
I hate cities and the general lack of trees everywhere because I grew up in a place where there are lots of trees. My dad is Tarzan and my mum is Jane, I think. But you want to know what I think? I think dad's just lying and I'm actually the outcome of that fling he had with Cheetah's sister.
So it's a scene on a lake in a forest place. Weren't there leeches?
I'm a counrty guy to, but the city keeps getting bigger were not too far off from getting a crispy creme now. My place where I've found peace for nearly five years has been banned from the public and made private property. Cops patrol the area and look for cars of unwanted wanders. I want to walk out there sometime when my friend comes back if it's before winter.
Anyway about your piece sorry for the tangent it sort of through me into the dreamy reverie that my place used to. As with the other write I read of yours the rhyme is there though one time in particular it feels forced that is in these two lines
like a balm to my soul
It's not so much what you said sure balm rymhe with calm and balms ease tension when despensed on skin and rubbed in but the simile just is beneath this piece it weakens it. That's my opinion. So let me just reinterate that simply changing the way you say it will create a more perfect feel. peace