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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Poetry Contestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kiddo13
    ASL Info:    28/F/TN
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 70/61/22
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 1176
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 652



    Description:
       Sometimes it seems like nobody gets it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoetry Contestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    And I search my soul for
    The words that will make
    Their eyes water and
    Their hearts melt
    I try to make these suits and ties
    Feel the pain
    That I have felt
    To make them believe that they, too
    Have cried out to God for help-
    And not found the answers

    And they will read and analyze
    My words
    They will critique my anguish
    And the depth
    Will go unheard
    For they merely want a good show
    My true pain they will never know




    Submitted on 2006-10-04 15:53:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Who gives a flying shhit when people shoot you down. Don't bother with them. The key is to make yourself a success and happy, and that alone will eliminate the petty little "pokers" in your world. There will always be some yahoo would wants to take a stab at you, especially when they are insecure themselves. Pain inflicts pain.So when you are flyin high with all the little pointing fingers below you, what can they do at that point but...well, point? I apologize for my rambling of a comment but to summerize...I enjoyed your write and it's point.

    Take care
    6
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      And I search my soul for
    The words that will make
    Their eyes water and
    Their hearts melt
    I try to make these suits and ties
    Feel the pain
    That I have felt
    To make them believe that they, too
    Have cried out to God for help-
    And not found the answers

    And they will read and analyze
    My words
    They will critique my anguish
    And the depth
    Will go unheard
    For they merely want a good show
    My true pain they will never know



    And what pain might that be? The pain of sharing emotion through the vehicle of writing or the pain of having both yourself and your work critiqued and given a value designation by those who don't know you personally? It may seem unfair, but life is full f value judgements made with little regard to the 'niceness' of an individual. If you're using a poetry contest as a metaphor for this type of behavior, you've stumbled on the obvious. The world can often be an unfriendly, competitive war zone replete with fake smiles and firm handshakes leading you nowhere. The last two lines of this post border a bit on the angsty/whiny 'poor, poor pitiful me' doldrums. The rest of the post is actually fairly well written. BTW, when you abandon rhyme or loosen your rhyme scheme, your work is much more universal and appealing to the reader. It's that aspect of this write that sets it apart from your other posts.

    Take care and keep writing.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm......First impressions I believe i first thought it was a poem and upon a further analysis i was right. it's true i'll bash you but playfully with pillows and an occasionly a zipper hits. the rhyming here is inconsistant but it works well and speaks volumes of you potential. They suits and ties i don't really ever wear suits and ties except at weddings or funerals. I know you were pin pointing on a asthetic. People dressed up so well that they can't relate. Though our expiences are all different so many of ours are similar so in general someone in a group of this many readers will be able to relate. Anyway, I like this until the last to lines; I think they could use some revision the second to the last just sounds a bit akward and the last line just feels drawn out. I believe I've read everything from you now so Hopefully you'll keep writing. peace
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      mAN this is a really true poem about how us poets really feel on the inside when we are trying to please those who critique us but they will never know how we really feel or how we really felt when we wrote those poems we are trying to pass on to them . this was a great work with a very good meaning and message

    much LOVE
    James
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, the trials and tribulations of tormented teenagers... or err... adults.

    I'm sure everyone feels this at one point or another -- that no one understands. I think, though, that everybody understands that nobody understands. That is to say, everyone knows that no one will ever know. This is why we don't expect them to.

    Pleasing people sawks.
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    120562

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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