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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sicknessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: uconnfan1972
    ASL Info:    31/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 8/12/5
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 827
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 958



    Description:
       I imagine this one is pretty self-explanatory...I was feeling rather sad, though with a semi-optimistic outlook.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSicknessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This sickness is winning.
    Grinning while I lay beaten on the floor, blood pouring from my fists;
    I have fought so hard, yet it has come to this.
    An insatiable hunger to love and to be loved
    has brought me to my knees,
    begging for mercy.
    Why do I allow my heart to care?
    Why must I wallow in the mire of despair?
    Lonliness pushes its weight upon me,
    condesing my soul into a
    compressed bundle of hypersensitive nerve endings.
    Bending my will and it's got me
    substituting thrills to avoid the ills
    of the single life, with no wife.
    Disgusting apathetic and frenetic
    kinetic fatigue dripping from my mind
    like raindrops form the petals of a rose.
    Nothing so dreary can touch for long
    something so beautiful, so tender, so sweet.
    When the sun does shine and dry up the rain,
    will along with my tears, so dry the pain?




    Submitted on 2004-05-24 23:22:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great use of language, I can hear your voice, but maybe play with some more punctuation to get your personal breath across.
    you have a lot of great emotional imagery and i will check out some more of your stuff...Keep it coming.
    Great job!
    | Posted on 2004-05-25 00:00:00 | by bluepifany | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm. this is good. and when i say good, i don't mean average banal blah blah blah good. i mean GOOD good. i should probably come up with a better descriptor, but when i read pieces that make excellent use of the english language, i'm kind of at a loss for words... literally.

    'An insatiable hunger to love and to be loved
    has brought me to my knees,
    begging for mercy.'

    i don't know how many times my heart has screamed that to my brain as i've fallen in love at first glance. that's the bestest line ever!
    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      that is really really good. I loved it, I was meant to be doing homework and assignments and answering messages from my friends and a million other jobs but after the first line I dropped everything just to keep reading. It was fantastic!
    "kinetic fatigue dripping from my mind
    like raindrops form the petals of a rose.
    Nothing so dreary can touch for long
    something so beautiful, so tender, so sweet.
    When the sun does shine and dry up the rain,
    will along with my tears, so dry the pain?"
    so well written, those lines in particular.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by sadistchild | [ Reply to This ]


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