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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Think of Yesterdaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1123
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1168



    Description:
       Reminiscing, I guess. I miss just spending time with my Jessie and my Jaz...no phone calls, no worrying about hurt feelings...just the three of us, having a good time.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThink of Yesterdaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do you remember the time we stayed up all night
    And watched the sun rise above the trees
    The three of us sat on a blanket,
    Moisture seeping through onto our knees.

    Do you remember the last New Years we spent together
    Doing tarot readings in the middle of the floor?
    We spread out a blanket to keep us warm
    Why don't we do that any more?

    Do you remember the night we drove to the park
    We all ran and plunged into the lake
    One fulfilling her dream of jumping off the dock,
    The heat too much to take

    Do you remember the night of the silly string,
    The scent of rose oil?
    The battle that raged on for hours,
    A shirt that will be forever soiled.

    Do you remember the days of our youth
    Using our imaginations to forever entertain
    Tears being shed over trampolines and swings
    Old indians that could drive you insane.

    The little things that once seemed so important
    Have somehow fallen by the way
    And as I sit alone in this room
    I can't help but think of yesterday...




    Submitted on 2006-10-05 03:01:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This almost made me cry, Raivn. I love that, for once, I understand everything that's going on in this poem. Because I was involved in then all. This is our past, constructed into a poem. You did so beautifully.
    You tied together a lot of the crazy and important things that took place when we were younger, and recently. I think my favorite part was:
    "Do you remember the days of our youth
    Using our imaginations to forever entertain
    Tears being shed over trampolines and swings
    Old indians that could drive you insane."

    I love this poem.
    I miss all of that too. I know that it is probably mostly my fault.... But I want to do things like we used to. I miss having fun with you and Jaz. I miss going to the park, or Huntsville; or, hell, even Wal-Mart. We made all of those places fun. I seriously considered not going to school today so that I could go with you guys. We should do something today... it is Friday. We could find something? What do you think?
    Well, anyway. I love this poem. I thinkest that I shall add it to my favorites list.

    J-Dogg

    See? I couldn't even come up with a better gangsta name. I'm losing my touch...
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      this made me all teary eyed...i don't know what to say.
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I love to think back and relive those moments for a while. It means you've made memories worth keeping and life worth living.
    I really think this piece would have been better without the rhyme, because I think it limited your word choice and structure...not because I don't like rhyme.
    In stanza 2 you used the word floor to rhyme with itself where as you could have used that to bring the focus into the game or the floor itself.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      There is nothing wrong at all with thinking of yesterday
    This is why I tell every youth I meet hold on to your childhood as long as you can
    Because when its gone its gone forever and sadly you will always be trying to find it again
    I Like how you opened a door to the past to let us your readers into a day of your youthful life
    It sounds like you had a beautiful child
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes I just submitted 2 new ones and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      The thought is well stated, but where the rhyme began well in stanza one, stanza two lost it. It also appeared very wordy. Alright, I guess, if you're just giving it to your friends to help them remember, but not so great for a poem to be posted for others to critique. I think this could be revised and made a very good piece, but alot would have to be scrapped.
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]


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