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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It's not goodbye but it still hurts (revisiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maki
    ASL Info:    17/ female/ home
    Elite Ratio:    5.04 - 208/210/69
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 875
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1512



    Description:
       FIRST OFF!

    I want to thank Outlaw for going through and helping me edit this thing. I really appreciate him/her for doing that for me. I wish more people could take the time to look at everyones works with a will to help them.

    Again I thank you! ^__^

    Now, here it is, I hope its a lot better and soon it'll be made into a song by a friend of mine, classical though. **But still, if any one wants to make it a song. I'd love to hear the way you put my words into music!

    I know it got a little confusing with the parenthesis so I took them out and it was a little better. Thank you everyone who had commented on it. I sure hope its tons better ^__^


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's not goodbye but it still hurts (revisiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Those words taste bitter
    Those words of farewell,
    Just because it isnít goodbye, doesnít mean everythingís okay.

    I hate that feeling of having a lump in my throat
    Unwilling to speak incase the wrong word comes up
    So silent, so silent I remain

    **chorus**
    It hurts so bad to say I miss you
    It hurts so much that I canít see you when I need to.
    It hurts so badly when I see you everywhere, I donít want You
    I canít believe itís been so long

    My sluggish footsteps never seem to pick up
    Thought I could handle the everyday commute,
    I thought wrongly yet again
    As always

    My heart seems to beat heavily in my chest
    My heart seems to speed up when you speak
    Itís always a lopsided beat to my now sour chords,
    A lopsided beat . . .

    **chorus**
    It hurts so bad to say I miss you
    It hurts so much that I canít see you when I need to. .
    It hurts so badly when I see you everywhere, I donít want You.
    I canít believe itís been so long

    **Bridge**
    When I see your face in Pictures Iíve taken
    I canít help but wonder
    What if you were here now?
    I canít help but wonder,
    What the hell is in store for me?

    Those words taste bitter every time we say good night,
    Though it isnít good bye, doesnít mean itís okay. . .
    Itís still not okay




    Submitted on 2006-10-05 13:19:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Imadgin points out something I didn't notice - the story's about missing someone with whom you talk on the phone every day! You didn't even need to make it clear because we take phone for granted. I remember my wife going overseas one time for a few weeks and the way I felt was horrible and intense. So I liked the poem, it made me remember a story of my own and the feelings came back, good & bad, the whole bit of life. That's gotta be a good pome!

    Trying to think of it as a song, I can't. That's not because it isn't a song, it's because I'm a moron about music. I was going to say that, as a literary poem for me to read right here, I thought it needed more metaphorical imagery - that a further layer of work like that might shunt the whole text into a more powerful space. But of course the music can do that for a song .... & anyway, it's a powerful story just told simply!
    | Posted on 2007-03-23 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one. It seems as if it's already put to music, just reading it I had the song just flow in my mind. Amazing, really. I like the chorus and the first 2 verses (and the last verse) the best [even though that is about half of the song :) ], but it all really is good. kudos on this piece.

    *sandi*
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This is amazing.. How you wrote it all to fit nicely together how such a short "story" so to speak can say so much in such a small amont of words. Great job.. Keep up the good work

    ~*Jackie*~
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      I couldn't quite get the meaning from this poem, perhaps because I'm a little tired. It seems to say that you miss this person whenever you're without, but you see this person everyday. If so, then it is true passion. If not then I'm an idiot. It has a negative feel to it, so my first guess is probably incorrect. I dunno, I'm tired. Please get back to me, I'm interested.

    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    120666

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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