Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Open Me

Author: Liv2LoveThePain
ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527 /1515 /256
Words: 164
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1683
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1195


Open Me

They could all die before your eyes change back to blue.
I swore I wouldn't follow, but today I'm going too.
Tomorrow when the tourniquet is taken from my skin,
inject the poison in the wound, accentuating sin.

...Open me...
Beauty drips from bitter hands.
...Bury me...
Underneath your cruel demands.

The songs you wrote on the wall when you were twelve
(reminders of old picture frames upon once bloodstained shelves)
are looking back and telling you to stay locked in that vice
until the night turns back to day and starts to melt the ice.

...Open me...
Take the parts you want and go.
...Bury me...
Before summer takes the snow.

Yesterday was overdone, so make it new tonight.
Innocence does not exist when eyes are far from white.
They won't remember what you say, but everything you do
will echo in their minds for years until they join you too.

Submitted on 2006-10-05 18:35:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  *speechless* I think that cuold be my favourite of yours thus far! I loved the imagery, and I can't pick just one line that I liked best or really grabbed me, cause they all did! It was very deep, and made you stop and really think about you had just read. Loved it, as always :)

~Mandi Gayle~
| Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
  You know, from the last time (about 20 days ago) I read your poems you have definetly developed a talent. I will not even try to review this cause I will just be repeating myself :-)
| Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
  Very very delicate and it's beautification, I just don't have any words to describe how well written and how in depth this poem actually is...It's very deep and it's a poem to confide as my favorites...You said inside of one of my poems that I have a way with words, but after I read this, I've noticed you have a way better way with words than I...this poem is remarkable, Im not kissing ass lol, it really moved me...I felt it on these lines:

"Yesterday was overdone, so make it new tonight."

I like how you mentioned that yesterday was so wrong, so make everything pure tonight, like ignore the presence and make it new in the future. Truely amazing work...

Alex Bony
| Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]

nice and different, i love the layout
and the italics


im sorry... still haven't found my words
| Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  yes! first comment!! HA-HA SUCKERS!!

(dont question me... for your sake.)

yeah i just qouted Bruce Almighty!! he had wise words... at least for this.

this is f***ing amazing. you are an incredible writer. I wanna grow up to be just like you.

I love the four lines in between each stanza. I always love when you use italics... makes me think you're whispering. whispering is fun.

"until the night turns back to day and starts to melt the ice."
i love that... it's so pretty

i love the recurring theme of winter... winter is so pretty.

god, dad's harrasing me, so im gotta rap this up.

This is amazing, i love it,it's perfect, you're a genius.

your frazzled homie,

oo, P.S. only one 'r' in 'bury' dear. silly

god this comment sucks...
| Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
  OMG, OM FUCKIN G! If I hadn't already asked you to marry me, I would again! But hey for old time sake; *I'm on 1 knee* will you, Nikkki, keeper of my black heart and obominal soul take me, Brian, your unabiding understudy, to be your humble servent for as long as you see fit; as my loving wife?
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?