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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 254



    Description:
       Whee.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost my world, lost my life,
    Lost in all this turmoil and strife.
    Lost my sanity, lost all my friends,
    Lost my happiness, meeting no ends.
    Lost my freedom, lost my trust.
    Lost my blood with a single knife's thrust.




    Submitted on 2006-10-06 12:09:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I find this quite redundant. I think you could say the same thing without using so much repetition:

    Lost my world, my life,
    In all this turmoil and strife.
    My sanity, all my friends,
    My happiness, meeting no ends.
    My freedom, my trust.
    My blood with a single knife's thrust.

    I'm also not sure that rhyme works well in depressed poetry, but it's your baby.

    I hope you feel better,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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