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    dots Submission Name: Denialdots

    Author: mysterious one
    ASL Info:    24/f/in my head
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 58/57/17
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 816


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    She stays to herself
    she hears in her head
    the voices they tell her
    to go back to bed

    The world's so bright
    her eyes are weak
    she covers her head
    the darkness she seeks

    She's screaming for help
    but nothing comes out
    her voice is silenced
    because of your doubt

    Can't you see
    the signs are there
    it's her life
    that she can't bare

    She nears the end
    she knows it's true
    it's all over
    nothing to do

    Alone and scared
    she makes the cut
    her life is over
    the door is shut

    You could of saved her
    if only you'd tried
    but to yourself
    you know you lied

    Submitted on 2006-10-06 13:26:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The only part that threw me was the last line...Lied about what?

    That maybe she was really okay?

    That she was just being a fake? (I know some people that do that)

    Maybe add one more stanza only to explain that last line.

    Other than that, (i'm not a big fan of suicide/depressed poetry even though i've done my share of it) this at least had some poetic flow unlike most depressed poetry I've read.

    For that I congradulate you, mainly because it means you were able to keep your feelings coherant.

    All of that is if this is about you.

    Anywhoo, this was an okay write, not terrible:)

    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      as soon as stop crying I'll be able to see the keys, This I found very moving, I am not depressed but it feels so close to home.
    I don't realy know why iys hard to read through
    the last vere I CRY
    do you know why?
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by moggy | [ Reply to This ]

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