Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To my friend Jen Tokedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DrewDilla
    ASL Info:    25/M/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    2.81 - 131/196/51
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1246
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1281



    Description:
       I love meeten new people and Jen is a grate fish in the sea.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo my friend Jen Tokedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know this girl named Jen and something happen back when.
    We had first met and thatís something I donít regret,
    Cause she is a wonderful person that makers the thunder role
    into lightning and after your ears ring. New life she bring
    Into my shitty miserable ness but your kiss.
    Will end my sadness, cause u can bless
    My chest and my nest cause your the best.
    Your better then the rest. Ya my lifeís a mess,
    But she always likes to bet. Even her Corvette
    Went up for Action but room was to congested
    So it didnít get sold. Now its getten old,
    But sheís always grate to talk to. Interested in what I do.
    Takes me for who I am. Some weird ass man.
    Who drives a dodge Ram and always has a good plan.
    But usually includes token and I aint joken
    Just like me SIR SMOKE-ALOT which proves she not a robot
    But she is hot and her personality I like a lot
    Even though she has kids. I still like to bid
    On winning her love cause sheís fallen from above
    So if she wont be my life mate. She still is my soul mate.
    Like she loves poker and herb. Well so do I. deserve
    her hand close to my heart. Hey at least itís a good start.




    Submitted on 2006-10-06 19:53:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it's sweet. it seems like a an ode to someone ur not sure of but like just the same and are willing to take a gamble on, everyday is a bet, just make sure u still have all ur chips at the end of the day. keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
      another favorite, again with the simple way of wowing me =]
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by dark lover | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this piece very much, its very different, a llovely story and good illustrations,,

    liked how u illustrated the poem as one verse,

    "So if she wont be my life mate. She still is my soul mate"

    especially liked these lines, they illustrates how, u still be friends, if she wont be with u in that matter, but in a very poetic way,

    liked it very much, keep it up, we be in touch..
    | Posted on 2006-11-13 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I really liked this one, but I guess you know why. Other than it being a great write of course... I don't think it sounded forced at all! I think it's perfect the way it is. How do you force a feeling anyway? And that's what this is to me, a feeling you have for... her. *v* I like it a lot. I think you should ignore there comments and highlight mine hehe. Anyway, awesome write, adding to my favs!

    Holy xx
    | Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]
      I think its a good poem, just needs a little polish. But good street coner poetry.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      It's got a nice flow, a few of the rhymes do seem forced, might spend a little time on it, maybe re-write it once or twice I think will benefit. Well done!
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by Nihilist Weasel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    120824

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry