Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fantasy's Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rememberplaydoh
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 78/102/60
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 427



    Description:
       Here's a nice short one...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFantasy's Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A dream inside a fantasy,
    a second level beyond reality.
    Emotion's layers take shape as beings:
    frightening beasts and beautiful fairies,
    merging together, dancing,
    as actors in the drama of the subconscious.
    The play of life scrolls across
    the screen of the mind, continuing
    each picture in succession.
    One glorious epic
    becoming the dream of a dream.




    Submitted on 2006-10-07 12:13:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is sweet, one of those tiny little secret worlds you see through tiny key holes in magic doors... I must say the ending is good, I don't think the piece needs some dramatic punch ending, because it's light and airy and it leaves you smiling... there is no "moral" to fantasy, and when there is, it is too cumbersome. If I changed anything about the ending, I'd do it something like "One glorious epic becoming / the dream of another dream."

    This is really a wonderful, happy piece.
    | Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      "A dream inside a fantasy,
    a second level beyond reality."

    wow doh this is a beautiful
    line...

    "Emotion's layers take shape as beings.
    Frightening beasts and beautiful faries,"

    only one spelling error here thats supose to be
    "fairies" i love how you make short poems
    amazing hun.

    "merging together, dancing,as actors in the drama of subconscious."

    the M on merging should be captialized,
    for some reason i think "subconscious"
    should be "Subconsciousness " i dont know
    but that just sounds right it could be just me
    though.

    "The play of life scrolls across
    the screen of the mind, continuing,
    each picture in succession."

    i think this is a bit crowded with
    punctation. the comas around
    continuing halts the peice a bit
    other than that another great
    line from dohlight lol.

    "One glorious epic
    becoming the dream of a dream."

    this is another good line but
    i dont think it ends this poem much
    or im probley thinking again way
    to much i have no idea.

    ok now that im done going over it
    ill tell you what i think.

    all in all i love the fantasy and the
    reality aspects of this poem,
    i also love the metaphors you
    used doh. you have a beautiful way
    with words. This is a def. fav of mine
    i really do admire how you write hun
    its simple yet not to simple
    poetic but not to dramatic.
    simply beautiful hun.
    thank you for allowing me to read this
    work of art.

    all the love
    nikki

    *kisses*


    | Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    120873

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    More written by homeless
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Eyes written by homeless
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    X written by homeless
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Shading written by saartha
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sadistic lust written by jjd
    Just a fantasy written by TiaanK
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry