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9 to 5


Author: babytinkerbelle
ASL Info:    26/f/aus
Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310 /209 /42
Words: 145
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1372
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1020



Description:


Ok, so this not a serious poem, just something i thought up on the train into work this morning, I just kind of made it up cos i couldn't help but think about the monotony *sp* in my life at the moment. lol. I'm not to happy with the first stanza cos it's out of whack with the rest but maybe i will come back one day and finish it.


9 to 5



Six thirty in the morning
Alarm bells ring,
Time to get up
And start a new day.

Shower and brush,
Decide what to wear,
Heels or flats?
Make-up and hair.

Rush for the train,
It's already packed
Propped against the door
'God I wish I wore flats!'

Make it to the city
No time for a smoke
Boot up my computer
'100 new emails, Oh God!' I choke

Lunch is rushed
The usual affair
Light up a smoke
'At last, clean air!'

Five o'clock comes
Time to go home,
Then the phone rings
'Oh no' I moan

Finally free
I get on the train
It's packed again
And it's started to rain

Soaked to the skin
I drag my feet home
Climb in to bed
Fall fast asleep
Before you know it
I get up and start again




Submitted on 2006-10-08 19:20:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  veri cute piece...i love it!
| Posted on 2007-03-14 00:00:00 | by maggot4life6969 | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed the smoking references. However, a lot of the rhyming seems rushed and very forced. I'd work on the flow of the rhymes a little more, because this has the potential to be a very cute little piece.
| Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]
  Being a smoker myself I found this funny. I liked the part :Lunch is rushed
The usual affair
Light up a smoke
'At last, clean air!'
That was real funny to me! Great write
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  P.S.

Ha! I wrote a poem. Maybe I should post it and see if people love it as much as the other talentless crap that passes for poetry around here.
| Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
  Graphic.

It's got a very..."Dido - Sand in my shoes"-esque feel to it. Definitely a great piece. I really wish I could see more work like this around here rather than the average

I cut my wrists.
The pain. It burns.
What is this world?
I love you, but you hate me back.
Someday, you'll understand.

No, you angsty foo! We won't.

Sorry about that. Anyway...Great piece. Keep writing!

Cheers.
~Orin
| Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
  You have a lovely recapture of most everyone's day. I like the way the first stanza is different. It shows that normally upon awakening seldom does anything rhyme(fit into place).
I like the way you used the word "smoke" to show that a brief moment of relaxation is what every worker desires to break up the pattern of frayed nerves.
Well,perhaps you can take a pair of flats along tomorrow to feel comfy while standingon the train.
As you know,we here in the states, generally drive our personal vehicles to work,that's why our cities are so polluted with poisons from exhausts fumes. Hurray,for you, who cares about the environment.
| Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  Well thought out, and executed really well. I hope some of your days are better than this babytink !!!

I enjoyed reading this - well done.

PS you are right, the first verse does not fit with the rest - and the last one is too long.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  Tink
This is a very clever write from you where you were easily able to let us your readers into a typical day of your life
The rhyming is perfect up to the last line
The last line threw me off a bit in the rhyme pattern but when you read the whole write for a second time the ending comes together well this way too
Excellent Job
I Loved it
God Bless
Ron

By the way I am adding 2 new writes today if you get a chance Please let me know aht you think of them
I too Love The Biggest Loser it has inspired me to lose a total of 15 pounds in 2 months already
That is one of the most emotional and well done shows on Tv
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Very clever i like it...and ive heard that, that movie is a good one :)....cant fill in the space rofl


Six thirty in the morning
Alarm bells ring,
Time to get up
And start a new day.

Shower and brush,
Decide what to wear,
Heels or flats?
Make-up and hair.

Rush for the train,
It's already packed
Propped against the door
'God I wish I wore flats!'

Make it to the city
No time for a smoke
Boot up my computer
'100 new emails, Oh God!' I choke

Lunch is rushed
The usual affair
Light up a smoke
'At last, clean air!'

Five o'clock comes
Time to go home,
Then the phone rings
'Oh no' I moan

Finally free
I get on the train
It's packed again
And it's started to rain

Soaked to the skin
I drag my feet home
Climb in to bed
Fall fast asleep
Before you know it
I get up and start again

| Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  Haha I love that
It's so true. I hate vicious cycles like that. They suck.
You need a vacation.

This made me think of The Devil Wears Prada. Did you ever read it or see the movie? That was all kinds of crazy.

I see what you mean about the first stanza, but for some reason, it didn't bother me.
I guess I just enjoyed this too much


Good stuff
-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-10-08 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


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