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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heav yey es Can't ke epop endots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AptPupilofLife2
    ASL Info:    18/M/Berkeley,CA
    Elite Ratio:    6.79 - 113/131/48
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1215
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 375



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeav yey es Can't ke epop endots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sou ndsfloat around
    Me frompeo ple
    Shape sS ounds
    Blu rsar oun dm
    e.

    Therearen Ďt people.
    Jus ts hapes
    An dmor etasks.
    Heav yey es
    Canítke epthe-

    Closed.

    Shake-slip lose my grip
    Pencil falls
    Echoes
    All turn and look,
    stare into the book.




    Submitted on 2006-10-09 15:44:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have never fallen asleep in class, but if I could put it to words, this would be exactly how I would envision it. I could feel your the sleepiness, falling, muscles go loose and then the pencil falls and jolts me awake, hiding my face so they cannot see my embarassment.

    This is lighthearted and I loved the structure of it.

    I haven't been on in awhile and I've missed reading your work.

    Take care Sugar.
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is neat....I like the way the words blur like when you start to lose focus...I've had it happen a few times. an it feels a lot like this reads.
    Briannan
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]
      this is neat....I like the way the words blur like when you start to lose focus...I've had it happen a few times. an it feels a lot like this reads.
    Briannan
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]
      this is neat....I like the way the words blur like when you start to lose focus...I've had it happen a few times. an it feels a lot like this reads.
    Briannan
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]
      haha! amazing. Really liked what you did with the spacing, it kind of added a beat, flow, even. this was about school, no? some sort of educational system in which the student loses attention (thats all of them..) This reminds me of a person drowning. and then realizing that he/she is not fortunate enough to be really drowning and is actually still apart of the world. like fading into the back of a classroom

    the only thing i was confused about was "Closed." I imagined a door being locked tight, but am not sure what you were referencing. other than that i really enjoyed this short peice.

    -PEACE
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't like this, I can relate that when you are dead tired you cannot make sense of anything but spelling everything wrong just confused me and it made no sense to me, i lost interest in the poem by the third line. I dunno i just don't think that misspelling everything is the way to put this poem. Anyway each to his own :)


    Anyway, thats just my opinion
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


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