Excuse Me, Please by disturbed420

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Submission Name: Excuse Me, Please dots

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Author:	disturbed420
ASL Info:	20/f/wpg
Elite Ratio:	4.33 - 36/35/15
Words:	68

Class/Type:	Random Thoughts/Depressed
Total Views:	999
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	415

Description:
Nothing spectacular... just an experiment. I don't think it worked out too well, but you tell me.

Excuse Me, Please dots

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You took my heart, made it whole.
Now it's just a gaping hole.

Excuse me while I cry...

You led me down a path, sure of the way.
Now I'm just lost, looking for a way.

Excuse me while I run away...

You took me into your arms, for comfort.
Now this razorblade is my only comfort.

Excuse me while I fall apart...

Submitted on 2006-10-09 16:14:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
different ideas being represented through the same sounds/words.
in that sense.. this is really cool.
| Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
i didn't really care for the word repition. but i guess if it was read write then it would sound okay.
| Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by the nerdbomb | [ Reply to This ]

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5. Which parts?
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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.