Im sick of waitin round 4 u
Im sick of wishin you were here wit me
Im givin up on you I neva thought u would hurt me
But knowing you will never be mine has torn me to pieces
I can’t stand to see you I hate the look in your eyes
I wish it was all over I wish I could die
Then I wouldn’t have to feel this pain
What is a few tears to a life of misery
Im not gonna hang round and watch you make other girls smile
When there is one gurl in front of your eyes
Who would do anythin to be happy inside
Maybe one day I will look bak on this and laugh
How stupid I was to ever think that you would want me
Or maybe ill cry bcoz I had a chance to be happy
But I chose you ova that
But now I realise how much of a mistake that was
I hope one day you realise how much you meant to me
And ask yourself y....
Y you let me walk out of Ur life?
Y didn’t u chase me?
Y u didn’t take a chance wit me?
& y u will neva know the answers to any of these questions
your spelling and slang detracts from the poem, and makes it seem less like a serious writer did it, and more like a gangsta wannabe from the jersey did it for school....
try taking care of taht, maybe not using it at all in future peices, because i think you would do quite well, and your talent would really show through if you only applied yourself and made some slight revisoins...
this is nto saying to change your style, because your style is a part of who you are as a writer, but seriously? would and serious, well written adn much read author have used "neva", "wit" and "gurl" ? AND DONT ABBREVIATE YOU WITH U OR YOU'RE WITH UR!!!!!!! JUST DONT!!
ummm...yeah...seems more like open venting to me. try using metaphors, imagery and rhythm. You can still say the same thing but in a different/poetic way. Sorry for what happened. It's a cliché topic. not my taste.