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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sickdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSickdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Im sick of waitin round 4 u
    Im sick of wishin you were here wit me
    Im givin up on you I neva thought u would hurt me
    But knowing you will never be mine has torn me to pieces
    I can’t stand to see you I hate the look in your eyes
    I wish it was all over I wish I could die
    Then I wouldn’t have to feel this pain
    What is a few tears to a life of misery
    Im not gonna hang round and watch you make other girls smile
    When there is one gurl in front of your eyes
    Who would do anythin to be happy inside
    Maybe one day I will look bak on this and laugh
    How stupid I was to ever think that you would want me
    Or maybe ill cry bcoz I had a chance to be happy
    But I chose you ova that
    But now I realise how much of a mistake that was
    I hope one day you realise how much you meant to me
    And ask yourself y....
    Y you let me walk out of Ur life?
    Y didn’t u chase me?
    Y u didn’t take a chance wit me?
    & y u will neva know the answers to any of these questions




    Submitted on 2006-10-09 16:36:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      your spelling and slang detracts from the poem, and makes it seem less like a serious writer did it, and more like a gangsta wannabe from the jersey did it for school....

    try taking care of taht, maybe not using it at all in future peices, because i think you would do quite well, and your talent would really show through if you only applied yourself and made some slight revisoins...

    this is nto saying to change your style, because your style is a part of who you are as a writer, but seriously? would and serious, well written adn much read author have used "neva", "wit" and "gurl" ?
    AND DONT ABBREVIATE YOU WITH U OR YOU'RE WITH UR!!!!!!! JUST DONT!!
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      ummm...yeah...seems more like open venting to me. try using metaphors, imagery and rhythm. You can still say the same thing but in a different/poetic way. Sorry for what happened. It's a cliché topic. not my taste.
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by dawfemme | [ Reply to This ]


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