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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stranger With Your Facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyFairCalamity
    ASL Info:    17**I'm a lady**philly
    Elite Ratio:    7.1 - 115/67/16
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 528
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 719



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStranger With Your Facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Well what a surprise
    Iíve found out all your lies
    And now with my own eyes
    I see through your disguise

    What for years youíve been hiding
    Its coverís been dieing
    Now Iím done deciding
    What to do with my finding

    Now I canít believe
    You didnít mean to deceive
    When all the words I receive
    Add to this web that you weave

    I wonít forgive of forget
    And youíll come to regret
    All the secrets youíve kept
    That Iíve come to except

    Everything I thought I knew
    Had believed and held true
    All misconceptions I bid adieu
    Because it turns out, I never knew you




    Submitted on 2006-10-10 18:57:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think that the idea of this poem was good but it was alittle weak with the wording. I think that it was going good but your right about the last stanza. it was a bit awkward but i really liked the last line. Maybe you could change-
    "Everything I thought I knew
    Had believed and held to be true

    to:

    "Everything I thought I knew
    I believed and held true

    It fits and is still basically the same thing.

    "All misconceptions to which I bid adieu"
    Im not sure what to do about that. It sounds awkward but i dont know. maybe:

    Your misconceptions are through.
    or you could change the whole thing or keep it the same because it isnt that big of a deal. Whatever works for you.

    I would keep the last line because it end the poem perfectly.

    And the title works perfectly too. I think it is the title of a book. Im not sure though. Either way its perfect.

    Your awesome,
    ~Samm


    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes me feel empty. (No, that's not a bad thing.)
    I like this a lot, but I think it needs more descriptions.
    Like, when you said "disguise," maybe you could break out a nifty metaphor explaining a certain type of disguise. I know you're familiar with costumes lol
    I love that it's not too specific though, that way more people can relate.

    The title is f***ing wonderful. It fits so perfectly.

    I think this is my favorite part:

    "I wonít forgive of forget
    And youíll come to regret
    All the secrets youíve kept
    That Iíve come to except"

    Quite impressive... it's like one big sentence
    Plus, it made me sad.


    I love the last line too. How well do you really know anyone these days? Everybody lies about something, even if it's just something stupid.

    Oh hold on... I have to send pictures of my doggie to Ohio Tom lol

    All right... I'm back... Where was I?
    Oh yes: You can't be sure if you know anyone.

    There's got to be at least one thing you don't know about me.
    Like... I feel that life would be easier if everybody hated me because then I could kill myself without hurting anyone.
    I would really LOVE to die (although I say I wouldn't). I know it sounds like one big pathetic clichť, but it's true.
    But then again, you probably already knew that though.
    Well, anyway, I suppose life wasn't meant to be easy, was it? I guess I'll just have to stay alive. lol
    God, I'm sick.

    And I disagree with what you said about the last stanza.
    I don't think it feels awkward. Maybe the line, "Had believed and held to be true" does a little bit, but I wouldn't worry about it.

    Overall, deary, I enjoyed this. I want to know more about it though. What was it inspired by?
    Help me lol I'm interested.

    Your talent never fails to amaze me

    Your biggest fan in life EVER
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Ilike this, and the last stanza does not feel awkward I think it is perfect and you should not change one thing!

    I hate it when you find out that a relationship you have had or are having is founded on lies because it will never survive, I just don't understand why people cannot be honest with each instead of hiding everything.

    Well done

    Tink
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


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