I think that the idea of this poem was good but it was alittle weak with the wording. I think that it was going good but your right about the last stanza. it was a bit awkward but i really liked the last line. Maybe you could change- "Everything I thought I knew Had believed and held to be true
to:
"Everything I thought I knew I believed and held true
It fits and is still basically the same thing.
"All misconceptions to which I bid adieu" Im not sure what to do about that. It sounds awkward but i dont know. maybe:
Your misconceptions are through. or you could change the whole thing or keep it the same because it isnt that big of a deal. Whatever works for you.
I would keep the last line because it end the poem perfectly.
And the title works perfectly too. I think it is the title of a book. Im not sure though. Either way its perfect.
This makes me feel empty. (No, that's not a bad thing.) I like this a lot, but I think it needs more descriptions. Like, when you said "disguise," maybe you could break out a nifty metaphor explaining a certain type of disguise. I know you're familiar with costumes lol I love that it's not too specific though, that way more people can relate.
The title is f***ing wonderful. It fits so perfectly.
I think this is my favorite part:
"I won’t forgive of forget And you’ll come to regret All the secrets you’ve kept That I’ve come to except"
Quite impressive... it's like one big sentence Plus, it made me sad.
I love the last line too. How well do you really know anyone these days? Everybody lies about something, even if it's just something stupid.
Oh hold on... I have to send pictures of my doggie to Ohio Tom lol
All right... I'm back... Where was I? Oh yes: You can't be sure if you know anyone.
There's got to be at least one thing you don't know about me. Like... I feel that life would be easier if everybody hated me because then I could kill myself without hurting anyone. I would really LOVE to die (although I say I wouldn't). I know it sounds like one big pathetic cliché, but it's true. But then again, you probably already knew that though. Well, anyway, I suppose life wasn't meant to be easy, was it? I guess I'll just have to stay alive. lol God, I'm sick.
And I disagree with what you said about the last stanza. I don't think it feels awkward. Maybe the line, "Had believed and held to be true" does a little bit, but I wouldn't worry about it.
Overall, deary, I enjoyed this. I want to know more about it though. What was it inspired by? Help me lol I'm interested.
Ilike this, and the last stanza does not feel awkward I think it is perfect and you should not change one thing!
I hate it when you find out that a relationship you have had or are having is founded on lies because it will never survive, I just don't understand why people cannot be honest with each instead of hiding everything.
Submission Name: Stranger With Your Face
