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    dots Submission Name: Aspiration #3dots

    Author: Syndl
    ASL Info:    28/F/NC
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 56/55/19
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1052
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 663

       I spent a summer in Wyoming a couple of years back and it was the most magical experience in my life.

    Aspiration #3 completes the current series of 1-4. I am considering revising most of them into true poetry form with a little better rhythm. Any suggestions are, of course, more than welcomed.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAspiration #3dots

    Would that I could once more lay my eyes on the golden sunrise of the great west.
    To watch again the brilliant opalescence
    As it creeps eagerly over the Rocky Mountains,
    Caressing the gentle foothills with its early morning kiss.
    To glimpse the sparkling droplets of dew clinging desperately,
    To the leaves of Spring or the first tender snowflakes drifting towards the hard, frozen ground of Winter.
    To stand atop the highest peak as the sun's mighty rays are cast down upon Mother Earth
    Nourishing her soil for the fruition of Summer.
    Would that I could witness such elegance and grace once more.

    Submitted on 2004-05-25 13:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, never been there, but it seems inviting. If I could suggest anything, it would be to expand the description beyond the visual. You show a lot in the piece, and I know you mention frozen ground and suns rays, but I don't feel cold or hot in here, I think you could write about sounds heard, fragrences taken in, and some feelings. It would expand the experience and take the reader there to not just see it through your eyes but live the total day through your whole being. Or not. ;-)
    | Posted on 2004-05-25 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with wizardo, very very interesting..ur use of imagery blows me away to the 10th degree!!!! submit more like this!!!!!!!!
    | Posted on 2004-05-25 00:00:00 | by lolavie | [ Reply to This ]
      Greaat work, I agree with you on the revision aspect, the wonderment of potential is there and will read 1thru3 if you have them posted...looking forward to your rewrite, some suggestions may be.

    Would that I could
    once more lay my eyes
    upon the golden sunrise
    of the great west
    to watch again
    the brilliant opalescence.

    Just some food for thought do what you may, because who am I to say what makes you original
    all for the love of language
    | Posted on 2004-05-25 00:00:00 | by bluepifany | [ Reply to This ]

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