this is sweet. the kind of sweet that makes me want to run out and find a suburban adonis of my own... until i think about it and re-evaluate my decision making skills...
i'm also impressed with the fact that you write such good HAPPY pieces... i'm still strugglin with that one. anywhoo, you've got some great imagery within this... that i'm envious of and wish that i had thought of first.
You know I didn't comment the first time I came and read this, right after you posted, and now I'm coming back and reading it a third time and it must have just struck me, what does Suburban have to do with this? Is it just that you live in the suburbs? Because I don't get anything anywhere else in the piece that says he couldn't be an urban adonis, or a rural adonis, or even a seafaring adonis for that matter? If you had something more in mind, maybe you could expand the poem to explain that. Besides the puzzle (and maybe I'm just thick as a brick today) I didn't see anything I would edit about it.
you can call it sappy if you like, but to me it's just lovely....great descriptions...i wish i'd written them... "...blonde as summer sunlight......skin just barely pink...." wonderfully crafted image..... great work cuddle
I agree with Learah, I feel the emotion for the man, but I need a bit more, I hope you add some strength to the ending and that may clear it up for me, or just keep it the way it is...whatever makes your originality flow.
I really like this piece. I just got done writing a silly journal entry about creating new clichés, and here you are bursting with originality. My only qualm is the last simile. I'll read some more, and maybe it'll grow on me. Very nice work!!!