[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Zoo Storydots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 892

       For Nan and the madness

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsZoo Storydots

    Are you certain
    you can teach the ape
    to write? The upright simian
    looks the part. Gibbonous orang,
    he wears the suit well...
    He p*ssed on the page,
    choking on lice!
    That must have
    been genius, my good

    ...someday i'll write
    something so vociferously
    lunatic the world
    will howl in its
    shuddering embrace

    until then these gems
    from a dunghill
    will have to suffice

    now watch me fling
    feces at idiots...

    Swim from the shore?
    What a clichéd illusion!
    Swim into hell, collapse
    be reborn. Then the pretty
    words will follow like puppies,
    cooing in unison, 'there's
    no place like home.'

    Submitted on 2006-10-11 10:19:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      To be honest I'm not sure I get all of this - feel there is something else behind it that I don't know about - but love that opening, really catches the attention and helds it throughout. You're right about those would be poets with their stock of clichés though. A clichéd poem can feel like being hit in the face with something nasty. Having said that I'm not sure how original my own stuff is and I'm sure there are plenty of clichés to find.
    take care
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say I am honored, Mr. Bill. And have to tell you that its my birthday. This is a glorious gift to mark the occasion, or was it something about territory?

    It is amazing to me to see a theme run the gammut of poets here at elite. Vancrown just did this one but I like your variation incorporating Darwinesque overtones of evolution. tsk, tsk, Isn't that survival of the most obnoxious?

    But twack is right, they have an elephant at the Kansas City zoo that paints and I'm sure she is color blind. She doesn't know s**t from shinola, and to me that is pretty enlightened!

    Swim from the shore?
    What a clichéd illusion!
    Swim into hell, collapse
    be reborn. Then the pretty
    words will follow like puppies,
    cooing in unison, 'there's
    no place like home.'

    But this last strophe, all kidding aside, is a slam dunk and you could submit it all on its own. The theme pulls through like a whale pulling up through the seas, as if the reason for the poem itself showed up...

    you're brilliant like that,
    thanks for this Bill (sniff, sniff) how can I ever thank you?

    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      A little snobbish are we?

    Nah. i know where you're coming from. Heck, most of the stuff i read in reputable magazines and contemporary journals is absolute rubbish as well. Well manicured...safe..
    ..and absolutely spiritless.

    But then, i know what you're knocking in this poem. The ignorantly dull pretending to be brilliantly mad. When in truth they can't write a complete sentence. Meh....

    "The right reader of a good poem can tell the moment it strikes him that he has taken an immortal wound--that he will never get over it. That is to say, permanence in poetry, as in love, is perceived instantly. It hasn't to await the test of time. The proof of a poem is not that we have never forgotten it, but we knew at sight we never could forget it." -- Robert Frost

    Yeah....many of the poems we read are altogether too easily...forgettable.

    "Then God looked down and saw that he had created a great many poets, but not so very many poems." -- Charles Bukowski

    Oh well, they've taught Elephants to paint...

    ...why not ?

    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The World written by jjd
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]