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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Love Her... SO Muchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1149



    Description:
       i know this dosn't seem like me, becuase this song is more of a country song style typ of writing. it's about someone that found me, saved me and all alround loves me, seeing how i can't express my gratitude and love for her in words i guess this is song is for her. i love you babe. MWAH!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Love Her... SO Muchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    she does so much,
    i love her for that,

    i see her with eyes wide shut,
    with a smile upon that face,

    i see so much beauty,
    so much elegance and grace,


    she whispers in my ear,
    i love you my dear,

    i'm never leaving here,
    her words so clear,

    she'll never leave this heart,
    she is forever now a part,

    part of me and such,
    i love her... SO much...


    days, to weeks,
    weeks to years,

    no matter what,
    her words i hear,


    she whispers in my ear,
    i love you my dear,

    i'm never leaving here,
    her words so clear,

    she'll never leave this heart,
    she is forever now a part,

    part of me and such,
    i love her... SO much...


    till the day i die,
    i will never wonder why,

    i fell for such a girl,
    that took me for a whirl,

    my heart she did touch...
    I Love Her... SO Much...





    Submitted on 2006-10-11 11:49:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry to say that this isn't one of your best works. Some of the phrases are very weak:
    "part of me and such,
    I love her... SO much..."
    just to keep the rhyme scheme that only goes through part of this work. I know you were trying for that special girl and I bet she loved it, but i know you could have done better. I have seen better work from you. It was vaguely disappointing. I'm sorry to say. this needs some major revisions; it was a good first draft.
    Briannan
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]
      a little punctuation would make this peice easier to read. Some quotation marks would help this peice much, for when she's talking. Not much more else to fix, though. Clear, clear emotion and message may be a little too simple for some, but the hiding-nothing mentality of this poem makes it go in right along that there is no hidden meaning. Rewrite with a little more punctuation, and perhaps some revised phrasing, and you may have a winner on your hands... at least to her.

    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude...I normally love everything you write...but I just found this...well...weak in comparison. I get you love her...and I get that in a whole love is really hard to explain...but compared to your other stuff this was disappointing. Like any girl, I would love to get something like this from any boyfriend or the love of my life...but the quality compared to your other stuff...well... I do respect the fact that this probably means a lot to you as well...it's nice that it's the bare basics, but I think you could turn this into a spectacular write with just a smidgen more attention. Thanks for putting your heart out there...

    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]


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