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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Lost Angels of Los Angelesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ConScribe
    ASL Info:    19/M/Tucson,AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.11 - 262/360/143
    Words: 313
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1881



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Lost Angels of Los Angelesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So unholy is Hollywood,
    So foul and full of fools,
    Sending sin via silver screen
    All the while hidden from heaven,
    Stuck on Earth beneath the smog of everything cliché.

    This might be the West, but no one here has won,
    Except for the devil, the conductor of this gravy train,
    Selling tickets, buying souls,
    Gathering chips for a trip to Vegas,
    Sucking countless prey into the pitiful pit of the American Dream
    Only to be spit them back out with battered spirits,
    Hopelessly helpless and homeless, begging for a better bargain.

    It’s nothing but a land green with greed between the shining seas,
    Bad grass stained yellow with the piss and vomit of a drunkard’s dreams.
    Beneath the smog, beneath such an uncaring cloud,
    A hobo drifts in and out of heroin’s horror,
    Trying to forget that fix,
    Warped within a black and white world.
    Here it’s either cut or dry.

    On the streets, drugs run free
    At the cost of countless souls consumed.
    Have you seen the blue jean, cocaine queen selling herself on that silver screen,
    Sick in size with hollow eyes, holding onto her powder prize?
    A model to the masses, molded for the millions,
    A client to the King of Crap, as he rakes in billions.

    Is this what God meant when he said “Let there be beauty”,
    Or have such angels just painted their wings,
    Freeing the fumes of fame to fuck with their heads and hearts?
    Will we ever reach perfection,
    The pearl that pulses at the center of the sun,
    Or have all the angels with the silver wings
    Given up on their golden goal to be guiding guardians,
    When all that is held holy in the heart of heaven,
    Is lost to us on Earth?




    Submitted on 2006-10-11 14:56:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this one a lot. The theme, the alliteration, the tone are all good.

    The only critique I have (and this is picky) is that the first stanza seemed to be about Hollywood the industry or Hollywood the movies. It's only in the second frame that we realize you're talking more about the city of LA.

    Definitely a great piece, though.


    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      A very interesting write, I like this poem alot, although it did seem that after the first two stanza you just started to rant but I still liked it.

    Hollywood has a lot to answer for especially when they shove peopl elike Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton in our faces and demand us to be like them

    Good Job definately one for my faves

    Tink
    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. The profanity doesn’t seem to fit the critical exegesis that you are trying to present. Seems someway that you have gone over to the other side and are tying to use their weapons against them. That’s just some kind of a random philosophical evaluation on my part and not a crit of your work.

    The piece is quite good. lots of good alliteration. Very observant critique of the film industry. some real nice metaphors. like the play of the angels in and out of the piece at various points. Obviously written with much heart, thought provoking piece.

    sick in size with… was that meant to be sick inside? powder prize might want to be powdered prize. S4L5-6 rhyme is slightly bothersome as you have chosen to avoid rhyme elsewhere..

    nice write -crutch
    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by Crutch | [ Reply to This ]
      A very interesting write, I like this poem alot, although it did seem that after the first two stanza you just started to rant but I still liked it.

    Hollywood has a lot to answer for especially when they shove peopl elike Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton in our faces and demand us to be like them

    Good Job definately one for my faves

    Tink
    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      A very interesting write, I like this poem alot, although it did seem that after the first two stanza you just started to rant but I still liked it.

    Hollywood has a lot to answer for especially when they shove peopl elike Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton in our faces and demand us to be like them

    Good Job definately one for my faves

    Tink
    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


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