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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Simple Liedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: His goth child
    ASL Info:    15/male/Loserville
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 82/79/45
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 952
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1131



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Simple Liedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It started out small
    A simple lie to get what you want
    It couldnít hurt, right?
    Will they believe your false truth
    But of course they will
    Angels canít fathom lies

    Now letís watch what happens next

    24 hours later and here it comes
    Confrontation, a final chance
    Will you stop it before it begins
    Donít give it a chance to grow
    Kill it before it kills you

    Now letís watch what happens next

    It grows and grows
    You change yourself to fit it
    This is not who you are
    Turn now before itís to late
    Hurry and run out the door

    Now letís watch what happens next

    Itís coming after you
    Is it guilt or something far worse?
    In the shadows
    Itís watching you
    Waiting for you to be alone

    Now letís watch what happens next

    There is no next
    It caught up with you
    It finally ended what you started
    Look at what it brought you
    A simple lie gone terribly wrong






    Submitted on 2006-10-11 17:30:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      okay well cole you know i luv your shyt right? k, but you should also know i don't like kissing a$$ and this wasn't bad, but i didn't love it as much as your other 2 commenters did. it was by all means an okay write. but i've seen you do so much better, one thing i did notice though is that you had a lot more passion in this write than you did in some of your other ones, or maybe just than i picked up on in your other ones, but i liked that aspect of it a lot because it's always great when you have a strong voice and you put some interesting ones out there. (ask if you must...but you may not be chill with the answer.) good but could be better.
    fave part==
    "Will they believe your false truth
    But of course they will
    Angels canít fathom lies"
    -first of all it showed thought before doing something- will it work? is it worth it? are the consequences outweighing the benefit? and secondly, in my mind more importantly too, was that when you say *angels can't fathom lies* it makes me think that you put a lot of good feelings into thoughts about the people you/the character were lying too. and that you don't see yourself that way.....something like, you're lying and angels wouldn't even consider the idea, you know you "couldn't" be like them. it could be bitter if i were reading it on another day but it was sadly beautiful today. keep writing cole, your words say more than you know.
    ~jess~
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an amazig write. It is so true and written so honestly. Brilliant! I love that repeating line "now lets see what happens next". It just grabs you by the collar and maked you read even more intently then you were.

    The wording was flawless. The structure was powerful and the content was imaculate. Not to mention the truth was blatanly put out with the story of a lie that it just gripped me. I don't if it says something about me or not but it was indeed a very strong piece.

    This definitely goes into the favorite list. A very well thought out poem. The texture is dark enough to impose a sense of fear and loathing. Yet there is the light mellow use of words which makes it simple and an easy read. Over all giving it qualities that are of very high standards.

    awesome work!

    peace and empathy,

    forest
    | Posted on 2006-11-13 00:00:00 | by forestspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      Goth
    THIS IS FANTASTIC
    This write is incredibly well done and you wrote this very cleverly
    I have never seen someone examine a white lie so well
    You worded this perfect
    This is easily a new favorite
    FANTASTIC JOB
    One of the best worded writes I have read
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    121287

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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