Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I lied to golden skiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 137/245/159
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 891
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 399



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI lied to golden skiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lied to golden skies and, pastel painted,
    They threw a veil over shifting eyes.
    My shadow disappeared in the rippling laces
    And precious odors crushed on splintered glass.

    Leaves mesmerized the dying circles
    Until the snow discerned the palm upon my hand
    I knew the truth and was forgotten
    With stains of white among ethereal sands.




    Submitted on 2006-10-12 07:22:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the imagery and the wording was perfect, had to re read it a few times to fully absorb what was said but i still enjoyed it. I agree with what has been said before for i also want more from this because it pulled me in! Still i like the flow and all the wonderful wordplay. At first obscure in its meaning but still enjoyable altogether.
    | Posted on 2009-08-25 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I almost expect to read from you a list of things a normal humanoid might have taken from this,

    because I looked pretty hard but wanted more of a personal story out of this than what seems to be forthcoming.

    It's pretty and nicely made and actually has some great ideas like the palm reading...

    actually that's probably it isn't it?

    the faith V life conundrum and pastel colors, and odors and glass [stained glass] are probably things church ppl would get.

    So... I don't know... but I liked the structure.
    | Posted on 2009-05-19 00:00:00 | by BrokeArtGallery | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, although I feel the spacing is too constraining. I feel a bit trapped. I do like the unifom rhyming though, for some reason. This piece was almost stricly observational and I would have liked to see a little bit more emotional undertone... maybe I'm missing it. The words are gorgeous though.

    "precious odors crushed on splintered glass." Is my favorite line...

    doesn't feel finished though. I want more.
    but maybe we all do
    wendy
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool. It kinda reminds me of Robert Frost, with more of a dreamlike quality to it. I especially like the last stanza, specifically the lines, "I knew the truth and was forgotten." It evokes, in me at least, a feeling not really of loneliness, but of misunderstanding. That isn't really right either, but its close. Nice work.
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121347

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Instances written by hyproglo
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    In My Head written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry