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    dots Submission Name: I lied to golden skiesdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 139/254/170
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1224
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 399


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    dotsI lied to golden skiesdots

    I lied to golden skies and, pastel painted,
    They threw a veil over shifting eyes.
    My shadow disappeared in the rippling laces
    And precious odors crushed on splintered glass.

    Leaves mesmerized the dying circles
    Until the snow discerned the palm upon my hand
    I knew the truth and was forgotten
    With stains of white among ethereal sands.

    Submitted on 2006-10-12 07:22:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the imagery and the wording was perfect, had to re read it a few times to fully absorb what was said but i still enjoyed it. I agree with what has been said before for i also want more from this because it pulled me in! Still i like the flow and all the wonderful wordplay. At first obscure in its meaning but still enjoyable altogether.
    | Posted on 2009-08-25 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I almost expect to read from you a list of things a normal humanoid might have taken from this,

    because I looked pretty hard but wanted more of a personal story out of this than what seems to be forthcoming.

    It's pretty and nicely made and actually has some great ideas like the palm reading...

    actually that's probably it isn't it?

    the faith V life conundrum and pastel colors, and odors and glass [stained glass] are probably things church ppl would get.

    So... I don't know... but I liked the structure.
    | Posted on 2009-05-19 00:00:00 | by BrokeArtGallery | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, although I feel the spacing is too constraining. I feel a bit trapped. I do like the unifom rhyming though, for some reason. This piece was almost stricly observational and I would have liked to see a little bit more emotional undertone... maybe I'm missing it. The words are gorgeous though.

    "precious odors crushed on splintered glass." Is my favorite line...

    doesn't feel finished though. I want more.
    but maybe we all do
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool. It kinda reminds me of Robert Frost, with more of a dreamlike quality to it. I especially like the last stanza, specifically the lines, "I knew the truth and was forgotten." It evokes, in me at least, a feeling not really of loneliness, but of misunderstanding. That isn't really right either, but its close. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]

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