I loved the imagery and the wording was perfect, had to re read it a few times to fully absorb what was said but i still enjoyed it. I agree with what has been said before for i also want more from this because it pulled me in! Still i like the flow and all the wonderful wordplay. At first obscure in its meaning but still enjoyable altogether.
I like this, although I feel the spacing is too constraining. I feel a bit trapped. I do like the unifom rhyming though, for some reason. This piece was almost stricly observational and I would have liked to see a little bit more emotional undertone... maybe I'm missing it. The words are gorgeous though.
"precious odors crushed on splintered glass." Is my favorite line...
doesn't feel finished though. I want more. but maybe we all do wendy
Cool. It kinda reminds me of Robert Frost, with more of a dreamlike quality to it. I especially like the last stanza, specifically the lines, "I knew the truth and was forgotten." It evokes, in me at least, a feeling not really of loneliness, but of misunderstanding. That isn't really right either, but its close. Nice work. HWKI